35 Yakuja AUs
by MsLyoness
Summary: Because Yasha/Kujaku needs far more love than it gets, and who doesn't want to see them in spandex superhero suits?


Superheroes

_Peacock Man and Northern Guardian, here to save the day! (Humor, T)_

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(Author's Notes: If you want to see the correct size of the cover, check my profile for the address of my deviantART account, since you can't actually link stuff from this site. If you don't see the pic on the front page, check the "RG Veda" folder, and thus actually see the detail I put into it. Also, if Yakuja is one of your favorite couples, please vote in the poll I have on my profile – heck, please do that no matter who you ship.

Like all the rest of these AU projects, there are a wide variety of approaches in this collection of fics: humor, fluff, angst, drama, sexy things… you know, whatever tickled my fancy to write. The really sexy installments of this will be on Adult Fanfiction otday etnay [surely you can figure out the pig Latin]. When those are posted, I'll tell you in the author's notes here, so you can go get your Yasha/Kujaku yaoi fix.

But for now, enjoy an installment that makes fun of superhero clichés.)

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Tenkaitropolis seemed to _constantly _be under attack, by one supervillain or another. Granted it was bigger than New York City so there was a lot of ground to be fought over, but still. It seemed like one evildoer was barely defeated before another popped up, laughing maniacally and all set to conquer the world, or at least downtown. Thankfully there were a lot of super_heroes_ too, but Northern Guardian and Peacock Man still felt overworked. More than one romantic evening had been cut short by a bank robbery, a hostage crisis, or a megalomaniacal threat, and Yasha Yamason was getting sick of it.

Oh well. He'd known all along that his personal life had to take a backseat to the safety of the citizens. He was actually pretty lucky that he had Kujaku Blackwings as a partner at all, in both senses of the word. Kujaku and Yasha, you see, had known about each other for a while, crossed paths and nodded in comradely politeness, but after being thrown together and having to defeat a Godzilla-type monster, they'd realized that hey, two were better than one.

This wasn't a new thing for superheroes, but Yasha had prided himself on his self-sufficiency. Still, he and Kujaku had together defeated something that neither could've defeated alone, and thus destiny was set in motion, or something like that.

The fans had loved this, and written racy celeb fanfic after racy celeb fanfic, to the point it had made Yasha uncomfortable. Kujaku, on the other hand, had perused some, raised his eyebrows in interest, and said to Yasha, "Y'know, I _am _quite attracted to you by now. To quote Bonnie Raitt, let's give 'em something to talk about!"

Since Yasha too had found himself captivated by his partner, that had been that, off to the comfy bed. And despite the arguments and the occasional blowups, they worked quite well together, romantically. Yasha sometimes had to worry, though, that if Kujaku were ever in peril and he himself had to decide to save his man or some innocents, he might make the selfish choice and thus be responsible for lives lost. But Kujaku, excellent mind-reader that he was, had blithely assured Yasha that he had perfect confidence it would all turn out all right.

Right now, Yasha and Kujaku were changing back into their regular clothes, in their fortress of solitude. They had wiped the floor with yet another villain, and as he took off his tights, Yasha hoped that the rest of today would be uneventful.

He hated the tights. Personally, he would've preferred some sort of loose martial-arts pants, but oh no, superheroes had to have tights or they were just freakish vigilantes. He'd managed to avoid a cape, and he didn't mind the spandex top, but _tights_… blah. It was so unfair that supervillains could wear leather pants and such, but not the good guys.

Oh well, at least he had the cool kanji on the chest of his spandex top, that said "Northern Guardian" in Japanese. And his boots were all sorts of awesome, a sort of mecha-leather combo with rockets that reached almost to his knees. They were black, as were the leather gloves and the utility belt, and the harness that held the two katanas (Yasha was really playing up the Japanese thing).

The rest of his outfit was brown, lighter than his hair, except for the white panel on his chest that showed the dark blue kanji, which of course matched his eyes. And his mask, his most important piece of equipment, was dark blue too, covering all of his face but his eyes and the bridge of his nose.

Kujaku's suit was a bit – okay, a _lot _– more flamboyant. It was violet purple, with black boots and gloves, and the cape looked like purple peacock feathers. Yasha had once asked him, "Where did you get that fabric, and how do you keep being able to get more after it gets ruined?"

"I have an arrangement with an artisan out in Hong Kong," Kujaku had grinned, tapping a finger against the side of his nose. "She makes it 'em special, just for me. Of course, nowadays you have cheap knockoffs for the cosplayers, but hers is much better because it's higher-quality fabric and the design is much more detailed. Plus she cuts and sews the ends so it actually looks like feathers, so I don't have to do it myself."

"Ya-Ya," Kujaku was saying now as he hung the cape up, "why don't we just microwave some popcorn and watch movies the rest of the day? We could use the rest."

"Sure, Kujie-koo," Yasha replied. Yes, they had stupid nicknames for each other, just like most couples did. Actually, they had a couple inappropriate nicknames too, but they only said those in the bedroom. Kujaku might've happily said them in public, but Yasha was all for propriety whenever possible.

"Here, while you're taking care of the equipment I'll just go get the popcorn ready," Kujaku offered, and with Yasha's assent was literally flying down the hall.

Yasha was actually a little jealous of Kujaku's abilities. The man could not only fly, he could melt things with plasma blasts, _and_, with his third eye (hidden behind his bangs), he could see things that would happen before they did. Only very, very short-term, but if someone were about to shoot him, he could know it and dodge.

It had been disconcerting at first, the way Kujaku would suddenly yank Yasha to the side, or grab him and run the other way, or even yell a quip in response before the villain could make their threat. But Yasha had gotten used to it, and while he still wished Kujaku wouldn't finish his sentences when that thing was activated, he was grateful for the third, "enlightened" eye. It had saved both of their lives more than once, and Yasha was pleased that Kujaku could hide it, because it was honestly a little freaky.

Yasha's abilities weren't as varied or as powerful, but he'd trained himself to the point that what he had was god-like: super-swiftness, a fair amount of strength, swordplay professional swordfighters would sell their children to have, and the ability to never, ever be knocked out. Which was a plus because no one could take him hostage that way, but a minus because if he were severely injured, he didn't get that merciful cessation of sensation. He'd added the rocket boots to remedy his lack of flight, and he maintained them religiously, just like his katanas.

Once everything had been tended to to his satisfaction, he strolled down the hallway and thought, _I hope we watch "__Cars," because that movie is awesome. Figures the one time Pixar loses the Best Animated Feature Oscar to DreamWorks, it's my favorite of theirs. And "Happy Feet" needs to tap-dance off the edge of a volcano, in my opinion._

But Yasha would not get to watch Lightning McQueen learn a valuable lesson about life, because just as he was settling down, the "heroes needed" alarm blared again. Really? _Really? _They'd just dealt with one evildoer, why was another popping up _now? _Sheesh, somebody needed to organize the superheroes in this city so they rotated duties, and stuff like this didn't happen.

And so, once again, they found themselves suited, masked, and out in the community, as obsessed people ignored personal safety to get as close to them as they could. One of these days a fan was going to die, and guess who'd be lambasted in the media for not saving them? Sigh. Yasha often wished he could get a restraining order for every fangirl and fanboy, with a stipulation that if they bit the dust, he and Kujaku were absolved of all responsibility. They'd pleaded with the fans to keep their distance, but it had no effect on the rabid ones, none whatsoever.

The villain was standing atop a water tower, with a bawling baby in its carrier set next to him. Oh look, another hostage situation! Oh well, babies were actually the best for that in Kujaku's mind, because they couldn't run around and get in the way. Anyway, he recognized this supervillain, a man clad all in shades of blue, with a forelock of wavy brown hair and a mask that looked like it was wet.

"Water Warrior!" Kujaku called, putting as much offended disgust into his tone as he could. "And here we did such a good job of capturing you, too. Don't tell me, Tenkaitropolis's finest fumbled the ball, didn't they?"

"Um, _yeah_," Water Warrior said proudly, striking a manly pose. "All I had to do was use the water from the cell's commode to flood the building, and since _I _can breathe underwater and they can't, it was the simplest thing in the world to get my demands met. Police officers are so useless, don't you agree?"

"They are indeed," Kujaku said seriously, so seriously Yasha hoped he was joking. "They train for years and pack heat, but they can't even stop most regular criminals, let alone supervillains."

"That is so true!" Water Warrior fervently agreed, as Yasha watched Kujaku's left hand start to glow behind his back. Aha, distraction!

Unaware of that ploy, Water Warrior was continuing, "I think the police should just disband, because they're so useless anyway. I mean, yesterday, this rookie and his patrol buddy, who I'm pretty sure was all set to retire the next day, tried to take me in by themselves. THEMSELVES! So naturally I drowned 'em both with a tsunami, because I'm so awesome I –"

Despite his appraisal of his own abilities, Water Warrior was severely outclassed here. Kujaku whipped his hand forward, and the resulting blast of plasma hit the forelocked evildoer smack-dab in the middle of the chest. So of course his flailing arm knocked the baby off the edge of the tower, that was just how these things worked. But as Kujaku moved in to make sure Water Warrior never caused trouble again, Yasha swooped down to get the free-falling and wailing baby, even grabbing the carrier too. Ha ha, this would probably be the front-page picture tomorrow.

And since the mother of the hostage baby is _always _able to keep up with the kidnapper, Yasha was able to hand little Billy off to Mommy, who was sobbing in gratitude. Poor woman, that was something no parent should ever have to go through.

Yasha, well aware that some sort of heroic, inspiring speech was called for, used the manly voice as he proclaimed, "When our most vulnerable citizens are threatened, we _all _have to step up to the plate and be heroes. No longer can we stand by and –"

"Sign my boob!" a crazed female fan screamed, rushing him and hiking her shirt up to reveal her (thankfully bra-clad) lady chest parts.

"Um, duty calls," he frantically replied, blasting off as far away from her as he could get. Gah, male fans never asked female heroes to sign their junk (but probably only because they'd be killed if so), so why did female fans often ask male heroes to sign their breasts? It was crazy, he grumpily thought as Kujaku caught up to him.

"Aw, poor Yasha," Kujaku grinned evilly. "Another – hey look, a robber on the run!" he exclaimed, pointing to said robber, who was wearing the stereotypical black eye mask, beret, and striped shirt.

But no sooner had they swooped down than somebody else clobbered the robber with a mean right hook: a superheroine in a tight pale blue costume, with lots of Indian-inspired detailing on the top, cuffs, and belt. Her wavy blond hair was put into a high ponytail with two twists by her ears, and she was instantly recognizable. Yasha suddenly wished he and Kujaku hadn't gotten too close.

"Well _hi _Northern Guardian!" she called, fluttering her lashes and stomping on the robber's gun hand. "You saw me and you had to come say hello, huh? After all, we're meant to be together!"

"Daring Dancer," Yasha sighed, "how many times do I have to tell you I'm not going to fall in love with you?"

"Oh, someday you will," she grinned, bonking the robber on the head for good measure. As he collapsed, unconscious, she went on, "You know how I resolved to marry my first love and never another, and while you're obtuse and currently with a man, despite your faults you're the only one for me."

"I'm kind of right here," Kujaku said testily, folding his arms in annoyance. "It's bad enough you're hitting on a man who's taken, but doing it with the partner present is just blatantly disrespectful."

Daring Dancer sighed, hauled the knocked-out robber up, and apologetically said, "You know I like you, right? You know I respect your work, and I want to be your friend. But I have to be true to my heart!" she proclaimed, then with a whoosh was off in the direction of the police station, hauling the robber along by his collar.

Yasha and Kujaku watched her go, and then Yasha muttered sullenly, "We need to hook that woman up with a dashing, _straight_ superhero who's single. Unfortunately, the only single straight one I know of is Poison Frog Man."

"Oh, don't subject Daring Dancer to him," Kujaku urged, as they continued on their way back home. "He's not only insane, I think he's asexual. No, we've gotta find a do-gooder hunk who won't talk her ear off about his amphibian buddies. Or, if we were being really evil, we'd send her over to some dastardly hottie like – like Thunder God!"

"_No one _deserves Thunder God," Yasha growled, and he was completely correct.

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It was early in the morning – five o'clock, to be precise. Yasha _loved _five o'clock, because most supervillains were sleeping in, so he and Kujaku could spend some quality time together. He was so sick of having to cut some physical love short to save people, and in fact, more than once he'd considered saying, "Aw, they can't kill _too _many people in five minutes, so we're just going to finish this."

Early morning was probably the time when Yasha and Kujaku were really able to be lovers, not just a superhero team. It was darn hard to progress your relationship when it mostly consisted of fighting bad guys together, but thanks to early morning, it could be done. Desperate for some relationship progression, Yasha brushed Kujaku's purple-black bangs out of his face, and whispered into his ear, "Wake up, Kujie-koo."

Those gorgeous violet eyes opened, and Yasha never got tired of seeing them. Kujaku yawned, stretched, and mumbled, "I was having a dream where the world was made of chocolate, and I ate six chocolate villains. Now I'm all hungry."

"You can have breakfast soon enough. You – hey, come back here!" Yasha snapped, because Kujaku had thrown the sheet off and was getting up.

"I told you, I'm hungry!" Kujaku snapped back. "I'm just getting the Hershey's Kisses I keep in my underwear drawer."

Yasha, who was so sick of telling Kujaku that food belonged in the kitchen or dining room, grumpily watched as naked Kujaku ate little chocolate candy after little chocolate candy. Oh well, at least Yasha had a great view of his ass, which was a very nice one. Kujaku probably could've been an underwear model, because the front was impressive as well.

"I know you waaant it," Kujaku sang, apparently reading Yasha's mind. Then he turned around with a candy in his hand and chirped, "You want some chocolate too!"

"Uh, sure," Yasha hastily agreed, anything to get Kujaku back here. "Why don't you feed it to me?"

And that was just what he did. So of course Yasha had to reciprocate, this time with the Hershey's Kiss held between his teeth. And things logically progressed from there, and while unfortunately the bag got knocked over and spilled little foil-wrapped chocolates all over the floor, our heroes didn't care. In fact, they didn't even notice.

_Oh, Yasha, _Kujaku thought in the afterglow, snuggled close together with his man, _I am so, so glad Dr. Doomsday unleashed the Lizardtaur. And I'm equally glad we decided to stay teamed up, and I'm especially grateful to PeacockGuardian3 for writing such pornographic celeb fanfics. Isn't it great how the fans suggest stuff we wouldn't have ever thought of? Like the cape bondage thing?_

"I love you," he sighed aloud, running his fingers through Yasha's hair. "You have no idea how much, Yasha."

Actually, Yasha did, because he matched such romantic desire. He'd _thought _he'd known what love was prior to Kujaku, but that was all a lie. This was LOVE in all-caps, the type of thing that made you wish you could run off to Siberia with your beloved, and as long as you had each other, things would be great. If the state they lived in had recognized same-sex marriage, Yasha would've hauled Kujaku down to the courthouse, and not let him go until he said, "I do."

Twenty minutes of cuddling later, Yasha reluctantly sat up and sighed, "I suppose we'd better go have breakfast. A good breakfast is an essential part of a hero's morning."

"As you said in the promotion for Wheatie Blueberry Bits," Kujaku smirked, patting Yasha's side. "Ha, I loved how you got mad at the director and ended up throwing the bowl of cereal into his face."

"Definitely not my most heroic moment."

One hearty breakfast later (no Wheatie Blueberry Bits), Yasha headed down to the weight room, and Kujaku headed down to the computer room. He liked to keep tabs on current events, and Yasha liked to make sure he was _always _in tip-top shape. Because punishing avengers are _required _to be ready to fight their target at any given second, it's a fact of life.

Yasha was desperate to avenge his entire extended family. One day five years ago, as he was home sick with the flu, a mysterious redheaded man had rained Armageddon down upon the Yamason Family Reunion. Hardly anyone besides Yasha had survived, from Great-Great Uncle Albert to Baby Susie, his second cousin thrice removed. Needless to say, when Yasha had found out about this, he had vowed to find that bastard with the updo, whose appearance he only knew from the testimony of a park ranger.

The park ranger had taken cover behind a large fallen tree, and witnessed the entire thing. Once the villain had finished his destruction, he'd looked around, smirked, and said to himself, "I'm almost disappointed with how easy that was. Surely Northern Guardian was the one with the glasses and the 'Simpsons' t-shirt."

No, that had been Cousin Clem. In vengeance for Clem, Uncle Albert, Susie, and everybody else, Yasha had gone vigilante. Up until then he'd merely saved a couple people here and there and stopped one or two minor villains, but now, he went all-out. He saved kittens from trees. He punched out would-be muggers. He quit his job, took all the funds he'd inherited by being the (supposed) sole survivor of the entire Yamason clan, and built himself a fortress at the outskirts of town. Then he saved a whole train full of people, because if a superhero didn't do that, he wasn't a superhero at all.

Unfortunately, Yasha didn't even know the killer's super-alias, let alone his real name or where he was. But Northern Guardian would get him! Because a superhero always, _always _comes face-to-face with the villain who killed their loved ones, it's only a matter of time.

Kujaku's family situation was… not very wholesome. To be blunt, it was sick. His father, who was actually the mayor of this city, had gotten drunk one night and thought it would be a _fine _idea to screw his sister, who had thought that was the best idea ever! Of course, once the morning came, Tentei Emperorsmith had produced probably the best "Oh NO! What have I _done?!_" freakout in the history of the world, and banished his sister Sonsei to a different city, because he was convinced it was all her fault.

Sonsei, being very obsessive, had still been carrying a torch for him, and so he'd slapped her with no less than three restraining orders, which banned phone contact in addition to venturing a thousand feet close to him. So when she'd discovered that uh-oh, she had one on the way, she hadn't had any way to tell him without getting arrested. She'd had Kujaku all alone, and once he was of age, she'd told him the whole sordid story.

After running to the bathroom and throwing up his lunch, his soda, and his snack of potato chips, Kujaku had hesitantly asked where Tentei was. Sonsei, by then a little loopy from all this mental strain, had told him exactly where, then cautioned that Kujaku must _never _make contact with his father/uncle. If not for his sake, Tentei's sake, or Sonsei's sake, then Kisshouten's sake.

Kisshouten, you see, was Tentei's lawfully conceived daughter, who he loved ever so very much. Sonsei had dramatically informed Kujaku that it would break poor pampered Kisshouten's heart, knowing what her beloved father had done. Sonsei had also catastrophized that Kisshouten would _despise _Kujaku, and humiliate him in front of the world as some sort of freak. Kisshouten had no superpowers, but boy, was she adored by the public, and if she didn't like somebody, they usually didn't like them either.

Kujaku had reluctantly promised to never make contact, but it had been too late to save Sonsei. She'd lost it and spent the rest of her life in a mental ward, and it had been cut short by a toothpick. There weren't supposed to _be _any toothpicks in a place where you couldn't even have q-tips ("You might push it all the way into your ear and cause serious damage!"), but a novice cafeteria worker had put one on Sonsei's sandwich. She'd stared at it in awe, because God was telling her to kill herself! It was a sign!

So she'd jabbed it into her jugular late at night, and drifted off this plane of existence with the thought, _When I get to Heaven, all I have to do is wait for Tentei, because what I most want in the world is to have him back! Heaven won't be heavenly if I don't have Big Brother Babe._

This had happened ten years ago, and Kujaku had successfully sued the hospital for their negligence. So he was wealthy too, and their combined fortunes meant that he and Yasha had the top equipment, security systems, weapons, modes of transportation, and anything else they might need. It also meant that they'd had to put most of it in an untraceable offshore bank account, because villains might track them through their money otherwise.

_Sometimes, Mom, _Kujaku thought as he clicked on his web browser, _I wonder if you'd be happy with all I've done, moving back here and obediently avoiding Dad and Kisshouten. Would you be proud I'm such a famous hero, or would you be mad I'm not spending all my time grieving you? You were kind of a drama queen, much as I hate to say it._

Oh well. He first checked Phoenix Woman's Twitter account, because she was the best at posting info on dastardly villains. Even as she fought them, so somebody else had to be in direct contact with her, and actually posting the tweets when she wasn't able to.

Phoenix Woman was a mystery. Nobody knew where she hid the phoenix that always fought with her, or how she'd even gotten it. All they knew was that she kicked major butt, had a flying motorcycle/glider thing, and bucked the stereotype of scantily-clad female superheroes with a full-body suit, one that wasn't too tight and didn't have a cut that emphasized both breasts.

Nope, it was stretched over her chest, and while more than one evildoer had gotten distracted by her bod, she never used her charms to get ahead. Unfortunately, because a hefty chunk of humanity is made up of pervs with access to Photoshop, there were a number of edits floating around of her fighting nude save for her mask. Poor lady.

Yasha and Kujaku were fans of Phoenix Woman. They'd watched (with great interest) the news segment of her taking down Thunder God, the evil villain to end all evil villains. She'd been pretty battered by the end, but she'd managed to get him into police custody. Unfortunately he was still a cunning, dangerous guy even without the mask and tights, and he'd escaped from prison within a mere week. He was still running around causing mayhem, but Yasha was willing to bet that one day, she'd take him out.

But today, nothing new from Phoenix Woman, Kujaku saw. So he then checked the front page of the Channel Six news station (local news), and ooh! Now _this _was interesting! A new pair of heroes, to Tenkaitropolis at least: Harpist Heroine and Ninja Lady.

Kujaku watched the gripping video of their showdown with the despicable Hellspawn Lord, who Kujaku and Yasha had both wanted to throw down a pit with poisoned spikes. A little more research revealed the heroines' place of origin (Eastland City), their powers, and their press shots. And that they were lesbians, which Kujaku approved of. There weren't nearly enough same-sex superhero pairs.

"Who's that onscreen?" Yasha's voice came from behind Kujaku, and the purple peacock turned and replied, "They're called Ninja Lady and Harpist Heroine. They just relocated here, and they look badass. Look – Ninja Lady fights with these crescent throwing thingies, and Harpist Heroine wields this awesome harp."

"Let me guess," Yasha smirked, "it sends out sonic waves that can cut steel."

"No, it shoots lasers, and she whacks people with it," Kujaku smirked back. "Really hard, too. And she can hypnotize savage monsters with its soothing music. Remember Hellspawn Lord? He sicced the demons on Ninja Lady, and Harpist Heroine strummed a little tune and made them turn on _him_. There wasn't a scrap of black leather left. Happened just yesterday, apparently."

Yasha, pleased that Hellspawn Lord had been hoist by his own slavering petard, was excited. Cool, two new, really powerful heroes! They'd probably cross paths with Kujaku and him soon, and then he could tell them "Good job!" in person.

"Kujaku," he began with a smile, "don't you think that –?"

_Breee! Breee! Breee!_

"Duty calls," Kujaku chuckled, shutting the computer down. "Quick Yasha, to the Peacock Nest!"

That was Kujaku's name for the equipment room, which also featured a big screen that showed exactly where the trouble was. Personally, this blatant rip-off of the Batcave annoyed Yasha, but oh well. If Kujaku wanted to imitate instead of be original, that wasn't Yasha's problem.

Soon they were suited up, almost ready to go. As Kujaku did some stretching and Yasha tied his hair back, they studied the screen. A green light was flashing in the western part of the city, and a few clicks pinpointed its location: the Five Gods skyscraper, a landmark that was often lauded for its grandiose architecture. And now some miserable miscreant was threatening it, with fires burning and the smoke drifting dangerously into downtown. That smoke was probably toxic, and putting out the fire would be difficult because the building was so tall (the fire crews were even now preparing their choppers for liftoff).

Soon, they were close enough to the skyscraper to really see the damage, and yes, it was bad. If the fire crews couldn't put out the flames, the building would actually collapse. Yikes.

And on the top of the skyscraper, there was a tall, buff woman with dark skin and a mane of blond hair. She was new to them, but Kujaku activated the third eye, and muttered to Yasha, "Her name is Pyro Mistress. I've got an idea: I'll distract her from the front, and you go around behind her. Okay?"

"Okay."

And with that Yasha veered to the right and Kujaku veered to the left, as screams came from all around and the smoke got simply everywhere. He felt so sorry for asthmatics in this city, and as he approached his opponent, he had to admit that the fire was possibly the biggest he'd ever seen. Her outfit, big surprise, was impressive as well.

Pyro Mistress was obviously running with the idea that if you were a woman and had powers, your alter-ego's costume should be sexy. Actually, she wasn't running with the idea, she was sprinting pell-mell with it. Not only were her impressive abs left bare with a cutout, her boobs were held high and squished together with molded cups and displayed with a low-cut neckline, plus her boots were leather thigh-highs, with two straps higher on her bare left thigh for show only. Her cape was black with an orange inside, her outfit was otherwise all fire tones, and her eye mask was shaped like flames, duh.

"BWAAH-HA-HA-HAAA!" she screamed, a gleeful expression on her face. "Cower before me, pitiful worms! This is the dawn of the age of FIRE!"

"Not so fast, evildoer!" Kujaku interrupted, and as always, Yasha rolled his eyes at this line as he came up from behind. How cheesy was it? Couldn't Kujaku just say, "Stop in the name of the law," or something else time-honored but not stupid?

"Well well! If it isn't Peacock Fag," Pyro Mistress cackled, obviously somebody with no respect for differences. "Where's that sexy Northern Guardian, hmm?"

"He's like, at the _spa_, o-_kay? _He's getting a facial and a _mani_, honey," Kujaku lied, deliberately using the stereotypical gay man voice. As Pyro Mistress rolled her eyes, he went on, "Grooming is like _so _important, so I told him I'd handle you myself. He'll be all _grateful_ when I come back and tell him I saved the _daaay_. Now," his voice turned businesslike, "what's your reason for attacking this skyscraper?"

"I'll tell you the _reason!_ This was Hellspawn Lord's next projected target, and he knew you would come. For you see, he was my teacher, and I was his ward! I'm here to get revenge for him!" she yelled, grinning a manic grin. "Oh, and I just like to burn things."

"Lady, I'm not the one who took out your substitute daddy," Kujaku sighed, sounding incredibly annoyed. "That was Harpist Heroine, and –"

"He wasn't my substitute daddy!" she snarled as she lobbed a fireball. "Not at _all_, you pathetic little fool! He was my beloved _master_, and we used to have such funplotting ways to level cities and destroy pesky people like _you!_"

"Okay, ew," Kujaku replied, easily dodging that fireball. "He wasn't exactly a hottie, and your 'master' line makes me think things I really don't want to dwell on. Anyway, it ends here, 'cause I refuse to let you win. And by the way… his outfit was stupid!" he taunted with a childish gesture.

"OOH! Why you – you have no room to judge, you're wearing purple spandex with a peacock cape!" she screamed, as Yasha crept ever closer. "He had _leather_, and spikes on his armor, and he looked badass! Now hold still, pathetic little fool, and let me _burn you alive, ah-ha-haaa!_"

"Oh, I don't think so!" Kujaku returned, firing off a plasma blast. Yasha, who had by now gotten close enough, had to dodge it himself when Pyro Mistress juked to the side. But okay, here we go, a running leap for a kick that would hopefully knock her out.

And then, because clobbering someone unawares was a _villain _thing to do, Yasha yelled, "Pyro Mistress!" as he leapt into the air. She whipped around just in time to register what was about to happen, and started to scream, "You sneaky bastard!" but only got as far as "You –!"

_POW!_

Right in the jaw! And it did indeed knock her unconscious, yay. Good, Yasha thought as he grabbed her by the cape so she didn't fall off the edge. They wouldn't have to have a long, dragged-out fight, because somehow he had the sense that she'd just been toying with Kujaku, and was pretty dangerous once she meant business. Well, once they delivered her to the police (the police had a supervillain drop-off spot, to make things easier) they could go home.

"Well that was kind of anticlimactic," Kujaku sighed, landing next to Yasha. "But provided the building doesn't collapse, we should be okay!"

Surprisingly enough after a statement like that, the Five Gods skyscraper _didn't _collapse. In fact, the flames had begun to die down without Pyro Mistress' power feeding them, and the fire crews were winning. Yasha and Kujaku dropped Pyro Mistress off, returned to help search for trapped survivors, found no less than thirteen, and went home covered in soot and starving. But very, very proud of themselves, as well they should have been.

The next morning, Kujaku did some hacking to see who, exactly, they'd been dealing with. And he realized that they'd dodged a pretty major bullet, once he'd read all the information.

"We were actually really, really lucky you knocked her out so fast, because she's not only got super-strength and super-endurance, fireballs, and flame resistance, she can _teleport _too," he told Yasha with respect in his tone. "Fortunately, the police clapped a power-blocking anklet on her first thing, and handcuffs as well. She still fought, but they got her down pretty fast, considering."

"Hmmm. So who is she really?" Yasha asked, taking a bite out of his cruller.

"Her real name is Aguni Flamingworth, and Lover Boy's real name was Koumokuten Westlord," Kujaku informed him, making a face. "The FBI raided their lair, and they found some things that were, shall we say, not suitable for sharing with the public. Now, I hacked the database and we _could _view the homemade video titled 'Take It on the Table,' but we just ate and I don't wanna be sick."

"Too late," Yasha mumbled, swallowing down his bile. "Kujaku, let's never mention this subject again, okay?"

.

But the legacy of Hellspawn Lord ran deeper than they'd thought. Yes Aguni was under armed guard, but there was one more piece of this puzzle to be put into place. Mere hours later, in fact.

Kujaku was just starting to make sandwiches for lunch when the alarm blared again. Geez, this was four villains in two days! He felt so sorry for the city, because usually the attacks were more spaced out. Oh well, he thought grumpily as he pulled on his gloves, at least there would be four less bad guys running around threatening the population.

"The Ashuraou Guardianton Mall," he groaned, looking at the screen of the city. "Figures they pick the biggest one in the whole city. It's probably some disgruntled parent, having had it up to here with their daughter spending all her time there. And they want to blow it up, to prove a point."

But no disgruntled parent greeted them when they arrived – quite the opposite, actually. There, perched on the top of the REI climbing wall in the middle of the mall, was a teenaged girl. Her outfit was _definitely _not something any sane parent would let their daughter leave the house in: a pink corset, super-tight white pants, thigh-high hot pink boots, pink gloves, and a cape that attached to her arms like some sort of bellydancer wannabe. Her long black hair was halfway rolled on the top of her head, and she'd decorated it with flower-shaped bling that was probably real.

"There you are!" she screamed as Yasha and Kujaku landed. "In memory of Hellspawn Lord, I challenge you to a duel to the _death!_"

"Are you another 'ward,' which apparently translates to 'partner'?" Yasha asked, incredibly disgusted. This one looked seventeen years old! Clearly Hellspawn Lord had been a "Get 'em young" kind of guy, blah.

"NOOOO! You sicko, he was my beloved _daddy!_" the girl screamed, and the force of her voice knocked Yasha off his feet. "I'm Siren Singer, and are you saying Agu– Pyro Mistress was my daddy's girlfriend?!"

"Yes, yes I am," Yasha smirked as he got back up. "The officers who took her statement had to _make _her shut up about what they'd do after they finished their evil plots. Miss, I'm sorry, but you must not be very observant at all. That or your dad lied to your face whenever you asked about it."

"He told me she was just his _minion!_" Siren Singer wailed, clearly entering tantrum territory. "And the doors were always locked because they were brainstorming ideas for conquest and didn't want to be disturbed! And what I thought was a headboard hitting the wall was just the demons getting restless in their pen! And their rooms had a connecting door by pure coincidence and it was always locked too!"

"Boy, you're stupid," Kujaku said cheerfully as he took casual steps forward. "I bet if you'd walked in on them, you would've believed him if he told you it was all some sort of wrestling."

"How could you do this to me, Daddy?!" Siren Singer screamed at the sky, paying no attention to her enemies. "How _could _you?! Or – it was _her _fault! She tricked you into it, it must be!" she decided with a feverish expression on her face, obviously someone who refused to accept the facts if they contradicted her worldview. Kujaku made a mental note to ask the police to show her "Take It on the Table," as an interrogation aid.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!_" Siren Singer screeched at the top of her lungs, hitting a note so high, the glass on the windows above shattered, raining down like little pieces of jagged death. Patrons screamed and ran for cover, but Siren Singer just laughed nastily, whooshing her cape over her head to protect herself from the glass. Kujaku, for his part, concentrated and erected a bubble of plasma around himself and Yasha, melting the glass as it hit.

"You can't do that!" she whined, pointing like a small, rude child. "You're not _supposed _to do that!"

"I'm not supposed to do this, either," Yasha smirked, bending down and prying a hard plastic foothold loose from the climbing wall (thanks super-strength). Before she could do more than gasp, he'd winged it at her, hitting her right on the temple and knocking her unconscious.

"You are _so _good at knocking people out," Kujaku chuckled, high-fiving Yasha. "It's that super-strength, I tell ya."

"YAAAAAAYYY!" came the screams from the (bloodied) fans below. Then a young man yelled, "Get that bitch, Northern Guardian! Then take me home with you two!" he bawled, starting to climb the climbing wall. With no harness, which was a major bad idea.

"You handle the threesome aficionado, I'll handle Siren Singer," Yasha muttered out of the corner of his mouth, and Kujaku nodded immediately.

Kujaku flew down to forcibly lift the fanboy off the wall ("Ohmigod, you're actually _touching me! _EEEEE!"), and Yasha slung Siren Singer over his shoulder and blasted off in the direction of the police station. Sheesh… kids these days. It was bad enough that they hounded actors and sports stars, but hounding superheroes put them in mortal danger. By all sense those people should've been running when they faced off with Siren Singer, but nope, they'd pressed closer, with their phone cameras at the ready.

"I really, really hate our fans some days," Yasha sighed as he and Kujaku met up outside their fortress. "It's nice to be popular, but they're worse than paparazzi, because we care what happens to them and regular celebrities _wish _the paparazzi would get hurt."

"Mm-hmm. Although, sometimes, some heroes take the hot ones up on their sex offers," Kujaku grinned as they entered the super-secret door on the roof. "As for the villains – I think Dr. Doomsday had _six _illegitimate kids with different groupies."

"Well, _some _of us have moral fiber," Yasha growled as they began to change. "Some of us have been blatantly offered sex with bisexual bombshell twins and turned them down flat, with exhortations to get themselves to a therapist to deal with such sick fuckery. Some of us are sick and tired of being harassed by kids we'd get arrested for having sex with, because they're under eighteen. Some of us –"

"Yasha," Kujaku suddenly hissed, grabbing his arm, "someone's here."

"Are you sure?" Yasha whispered, grabbing the katanas. "The system says no one broke in."

"They must have subverted it. Trust me, I can feel somebody's presence, in the… the living room," Kujaku said quietly, his face screwed up with effort. "Male. _Big _male. Late forties or early fifties. No guns, but I get the sense he doesn't need 'em. Yasha, I think we should put the suits back on. He's just… waiting, and I think he knows we're here."

And so they did. They crept closer, and Yasha muttered to Kujaku, "Can you see the future? Did he set a trap?"

"No trap, I'm not getting much else," Kujaku replied as they approached the living room. "No, wait – okay, I'm getting that he's gonna stand up from your chair, smile at us, and say, 'You really should update your security system, Northern Guardian and Peacock Man.' "

"Great," Yasha growled. "Arrogance, I hate arrogance. Okay – go!"

With that they leapt into the living room, Kujaku with a glowing hand out and Yasha with the katanas held to deflect a shot. And yup, the big guy in Yasha's chair stood up with a grin, and drawled, "You really should update your security system, Northern Guardian and Peacock Man. It only took me fifteen minutes of hacking."

"Yeah, well, technology ages so fast," Kujaku sniffed, appraising the housebreaker. In addition to being big and middle-aged, his hair was blue, he was wearing black sunglasses, he was clad in a dark blue suit that matched his eyebrows, and he had the dorkiest sideburns Kujaku had ever seen. They were so long, they were like a pair of blue icicles on each side of Mountain Man's face. Oh well, Kujaku thought loftily, not everybody was as stylin' as Peacock Man.

"Forgive me my entrance into your fortress," Mountain Man apologized, "but it was necessary. And no, I'm not going to hurt you, far from it. You see, you two and I have the same enemies, and as the Arab proverb goes, 'The enemy of the enemy is my friend.' And actually, I'm a _big _fan of your work, I find it quite inspiring. My name's Zouchouten Southlord, and I'm –"

"Ooh, I know! I know! You're Sideburns Sheriff!" Kujaku guessed, enthusiastically and pointing both index fingers. "Or Human Tank! Or –"

"No, you idiot, I'm –"

"Or you're Grouchy Giant! Or –"

"I'm not an actual superhero," Zouchouten snapped, taking off his sunglasses. "I'd stick out like a sore thumb. However…"

Yasha and Kujaku blinked in surprise at golden eyes with slitted pupils. Those weren't normal, not at all. Clearly it was a manifestation of something, and uh-oh, maybe this guy was actually a super_villain_, which would make his words technically true, as he wouldn't be a _hero_ at all.

"I work on the sidelines," Zouchouten informed them, smiling slightly as they both assumed defensive positions. "And I told you, I'm not here to fight you, not at all. See, my powers are phenomenal vision, quick healing, exaggerated strength, and most importantly, the basic human ability to maneuver people into what I want them to do. I'm a businessman. I'm good with persuading people to do things, mostly to keep quiet on certain activities of mine. Those activities center on one simple thing: keeping a certain young lady alive and as safe as I can."

"Who?" Yasha asked, completely confused. "And why are you here?"

"I'll answer your second question soon enough. As for the first one," Zouchouten grinned suddenly, "look behind you."

Yasha and Kujaku whipped around, once again prepared to see some sort of enemy. But instead, they saw a beautiful woman, with white hair in a tight bun and blue eyes, dressed in a somber business suit with one incongruous element – the flaming phoenix on her shoulder.

She sighed and folded her arms, telling them, "Mr. Yamason and Mr. Blackwings, you two have the reputation of being hard to put one over on, but Garuda and I have been right behind you since you passed the dining room."

"Oh, Phoenix Woman!" Kujaku said happily, letting the glow fade from his hands. "Geez, Mr. Southlord, all you had to do was have her with you and we would've been totally cool with your housebreak. Hey Phoenix Woman, you changed your hair, huh? I have to tell you I liked the bob with the ponytail better."

"Oh, I didn't change my hair," she seriously replied, reaching up to unpin the bun. "I just style it differently when I'm Karura Whitequeen. Observe." With a few quick movements, she unbound the ponytail from the bun, letting the shorter part fall free. Neato, transformer hair! Yasha was jealous.

Kujaku was impressed too, but changed the subject with, "That was an awesome fight against Thunder God, Karura – you don't mind if I call you Karura?" At her assent, he went on, "It looked like you had a personal grudge against the dude. Did you?"

"Taishakuten Kingslund – that's his real name – killed my beloved little sister, Karyoubinga," Karura growled, her eyes suddenly going hard. "And it wasn't enough that he kidnapped and killed her, oh no. No, he fed her body to his saramahs, those freakish dragon-lion beasts, and he recorded the whole thing and sent it to me. Naturally I went berserk, and while I destroyed the saramahs and got him arrested, he escaped. And now, he's planning an assault the likes of which this city has never seen."

"That's why we need _you_," Zouchouten said fervently, and as persuasively as he could. "Because he has allies, and Karura can't take them on all alone. But the coalition of heroes I've decided to call Six Stars hopefully can."

"Ooh, a team! Yay, I love teams," Kujaku said happily, and Yasha nodded while adding, "We'll be more than happy to join you. Taishakuten is, after all, the most powerful and evil supervillain in the world, and he has to be stopped."

"You of course remember the tragedy of Kusumapura," Karura said sadly, and Yasha and Kujaku nodded.

Kusumapura had been a thriving city, full of happy people and flowers, and then Taishakuten had made history by being the first supervillain to actually wipe out the population, minus two exceedingly lucky individuals. He had used a satellite to amplify his lightning power, and sent bolts of lightning down onto every living thing, which was doubly impressive because the sky had been clear. He'd then moved to destroying the buildings, so those who had escaped the lightning were crushed under their destroyed shelters.

Needless to say, "Supervillain Weekly" had then awarded him the title of "Best Evildoer EVER," complete with a prize of one billion dollars. Like he needed it.

"Yes, we remember Kusumapura," Yasha growled, clenching his fists. "Every single living being in that city died because of that man. But guess what? The fans still adore him more than any superhero."

"If Taishakuten weren't handsome," Karura said flatly, "he'd be loathed for his awful personality and evil deeds. But because he's a pretty mandiva, women are wearing t-shirts that say 'Mrs. Thunder God' and 'I (heart) Thunder God'. But you know how that is, I've seen rabid fans of yours too."

Yasha nodded fervently, and Kujaku smirked, "As a pair, we have seven online shrines and counting, and a ton of others for us as individuals, not to mention our fanlistings. Unfortunately, like Yasha said Taishakuten is even more beloved, for reasons none of us can understand. Personally, I'm waiting for the day he gets disfigured and people lose all interest in him."

"I'm waiting for the day he dies," Zouchouten growled, patting Karura's shoulder. "This time, no more playing around with capturing him alive, because he's proven he can't be held for long. Nope, if he's dead, there's no chance of more people dying because of him."

"So who are the other guys in Six Stars?" Kujaku asked, and Zouchouten replied, "Oh, you'll meet them soon enough. Most of them you've probably met already. But actually, I need your help to persuade one of them to join us. I've taken the liberty of loading his whereabouts into your ship's autopilot, and tomorrow, you two can go fetch Dragon King. Please, he's important."

"He has a – well, he's got somewhat of a grudge against Garuda and me," Karura sighed dismally. "Dragons and magical birds rarely get along, as is evidenced in Hindu mythology where Garuda and Naga, the serpent-dragon, are mortal enemies. Okay, so maybe I _did _bitch him out after he accidentally singed Garuda's tailfeathers when we teamed up out of necessity, but he's acting very immature."

"We can get him," Yasha vowed steadfastly. "Kujaku is very persuasive, and if his words don't work, my powers usually do."

"Great," Zouchouten grinned, turning to go. "We'll be in close contact. If you'll excuse us, it's Garuda's feeding time. He eats poisonous cobras, and we didn't want to bring one of those into your home."

They all said their goodbyes, Kujaku studying Zouchouten and Karura intently. Being an incredibly observant man, he was picking up on things that Yasha wasn't. Definitely nothing threatening towards them, but certainly very interesting. Ooh, once Kujaku had Yasha alone again, he was about to reveal what he'd observed. Poor Yasha, he was so powerful and smart, but rather lacking in regards to noticing things under the surface.

"That's so nice that he protects her," Yasha smiled, as the doors closed behind Karura and Zouchouten. "Like a father figure, or something."

"Oh no," Kujaku grinned, waggling both index fingers. "That man is desperately in love with her! Didn't you pick up on the way he looks at her when she's not looking? He's got it bad, but I don't think she's picked up on that either. Maybe she never will, if he doesn't come right out and tell her."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Oookay. Somehow I think his chances aren't very good, but if Hellspawn Lord could land Pyro Mistress, maybe Zouchouten can land Phoenix Woman. Anyway, Kujaku, we'll go after Dragon King in the morning, and we won't take 'no' for an answer," Yasha vowed, nodding in conviction.

.

And so the very next day, at seven in the morning, Yasha and Kujaku strapped themselves into the Peacockship, their method of transportation when they had to go out of the city. The Peacockship was a metallic purple plane/speeder, which wouldn't have looked out of place in "Star Wars" or "Star Trek." Except, of course, for the peacock feather detailing on the wings and tail fins, because Kujaku really liked having a theme. As a nod to Yasha, the ship also featured a rising sun and kanji that said, "Most glorious property of the prosperous Northern Guardian and Peacock Man."

The moment the ship was out of the bay, the autopilot made it hang a sharp right, to the west. And it was going at the fastest speed, so soon the city was behind them and they were zooming over farmland, then a tiny town, then more farmland, et cetera. They were going at the speed of a rocket, and as always when they went this fast, Kujaku worried that they'd hit some poor bird. Then again, they _were _pretty high, higher than planes.

"Okay, so," he said after about fifteen minutes, "I think we should call Zou and see who, exactly, Dragon King is."

"He's a young but very powerful superhero," Zouchouten said once they contacted him. "Not as good as you two, but still an asset. He and his two cousins are based in Westernwater City, which you should be coming up on just a couple of seconds. While Karura and I gather the rest, _you _will convince Dragon King to help us defeat Thunder God's coalition of evil."

"You say he has cousins," Kujaku pointed out. "Are you gonna show us a picture of him so we know who to grab?"

"Believe me, you'll easily be able to tell who you should be bringing back," Zouchouten smirked almost teasingly. "Dragon King is the best by far, and you'll be impressed with his powers, I can assure you."

Yasha started to say, "I hate these games, just cut the playing around and tell us who we're going after," but Zouchouten was continuing, "He's somewhat conceited, and very stubborn. But he really, _really _likes fighting, so if you're having trouble convincing him to come back with you, tell him he'll have the opportunity to tangle with some of the most powerful and evil villains in the country. I think that should sway him. Good luck!" And with that the screen went blank.

"Well, we don't have to sit here and take this mysterious crap," Kujaku muttered, turning on the onboard internet. "We'll just do a quick search, and –"

"Did you see that?!" Yasha gasped, pointing to the front and the right. "An explosion!"

Yes indeed, a _big _explosion, and as they flew closer, they could see that there were a large number of some sort of armored… monster thingies on the rooftops of the city they were now over. They were mecha-ogres actually, a "delightful" blend of monster and machine, delightful only to the mad scientist who had created them. Unfortunately the scientist wasn't able to see this, because the mecha-ogres had turned on and eaten him. How's that for ironic justice?

Kujaku disengaged the autopilot and attempted to blast the bejeezus out of those things, but the ship's lasers didn't have much effect on the armor. So he set the Peacockship down on a rooftop, and he and Yasha leapt out to engage in some hand-to-hand combat. And it was then that they spied three other superheroes, duking it out with the mecha-ogres already.

There were two tall men and one short teenage boy, and both Yasha and Kujaku wrote the short one off because short people _obviously _couldn't be better than tall people. The tall people were both clad in green suits like the little one, but one had white hair and a white dragon on his top, and the other had black hair and a blue dragon on his top. The bigger heroes' hair was very pretty, as long as Yasha's, but like his tied back for action. He was willing to bet they left it loose for their mild-mannered alter-egos, though.

"So which one is he?" Yasha muttered to Kujaku. "The black-haired one or the white-haired one?"

Before Kujaku could answer, the white-haired man performed a flawless jump high-kick, knocking one of the mecha-ogres flat on his back… and at the same time, the other man tried a running leap, only to trip and fall flat on his face as the little one groaned and smacked a hand to his forehead. Yasha and Kujaku sighed, and said in unison, "The white-haired one, obviously."

No sooner had they decided that than something startling happened. No less than three mecha-ogres tackled the man who'd just kicked their leader, all set to tear him apart. The horrified Yasha and Kujaku sped forwards as quickly as they could, but there was no need to worry. Because the little one, the person they'd dismissed as the least powerful, stretched his hand out and hurled _water dragons _at his enemies. With a crackle of magic and the sound of tearing steel, the water dragons destroyed the mecha-ogres, much better than any laser could have.

Peacock Man and Northern Guardian just stared for a moment as the water dragons went for more overgrown armored goblins, then turned and stared at each other. Finally Yasha said in awe, "Okay, _that _must be Dragon King, and I have to say I'm very surprised."

"HEY!" Dragon King yelled, having caught sight of them. "You! Yeah, you in the purple and you with the rocket boots! You gonna help us, or are these _your _mecha-ogres?!"

"Forth to battle!" Kujaku sang, powering up the plasma blasts. "Talk later, fight now."

Soon the battle was joined, with katanas, water dragons, plasma blasts, and good old-fashioned beat-downs. Unfortunately there were an awful lot of mecha-ogres, but with five heroes, Kujaku wasn't betting on any monsters getting away. He soon found himself back-to-back with the black-haired hero, as their enemies circled warily, knowing the setup to a cool move when they saw it. And yup, the two good guys clasped hands and switched positions with a leap kick, taking out the foolhardy enemies who'd ventured close enough.

"So what's your name?" Kujaku asked cheerily, punching another enemy. "I'm Peacock Man."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Blue Dragon," his new friend replied, kicking an opponent of his own. "That's White Dragon on the left, and Dragon King on the right. Who's the samurai guy?"

"You mean you've never heard of Northern Guardian?" Kujaku queried, almost offended. "He's the best superhero around! He's got fan clubs in China, Australia, and even Chechnya! Evil trembles at the sound of his name, to quote from 'Time Magazine.' Buddy, have you been living under a rock or something?"

Blue Dragon snapped, "Of course not! I recognize the name, I just didn't immediately recognize the costume, that's all. Cut me a little slack, we're fighting difficult enemies here."

"So what're your powers?" Kujaku asked as they continued battling.

"Eh, mine aren't very flashy: flight, quickness, really fast healing time. White Dragon has all those too, but – ah, just watch," Blue Dragon grinned, nodding at him.

Kujaku obediently watched, and soon saw an awesome power. One of the mecha-ogres yanked White Dragon's ponytail, and his eyes flashed _red_. In fact, electricity crackled around him, and he reached behind him, grabbed the mecha-ogre, and hurled him into a wall, killing him instantly with a roar of "ARRGGGH!" Then he proceeded to charge a group of five more, and kill them in a berserker rage.

"Oh yeah," Blue Dragon grinned, as Kujaku whistled in appreciation. "Get him mad enough, and he goes into a screaming rage where he doesn't feel pain, and his abilities are magnified. It was hard growing up with him, let me tell you. He's my brother," he explained as White Dragon tackled another mecha-ogre, splashed with blood and seemingly unaware of that.

In a matter of minutes, it was all over. As White Dragon took deep breaths and returned to normal, Dragon King patted his familiars on their snouts and grinned, "Okay guys, you can go back to the Waterworld now, thanks for all your help."

They evaporated before Yasha and Kujaku's eyes, yet another surprising thing. Yasha decided to waste no time beating around the bush, and introduced himself with, "Dragon King, I'm Northern Guardian, and this is –"

"I know who you are," Dragon King grinned, flashing a thumbs-up. "But I don't know why you're here, in a different city."

"Because we want – we _need _– you to join us to defeat Thunder God and his allies, who've planned a massive assault on Tenkaitropolis," Yasha said seriously. "We need you to join Six Stars, the superhero team that's the city's only hope. Please, won't you help us?"

"Taking on Thunder God? _Cool_. Count me in!" the shortest person cried, getting all excited. Whee, fighting!

"Dragon King!" White Dragon snapped. "You have to stay here and –"

"Whoa, chill out bro," Blue Dragon grinned as he patted his brother's shoulder. "Are you really gonna tell him he has to miss out on this chance? That's mean."

"Blue Dragon, shut up. Dragon King, you have a responsibility to the citizens of Westernwater City!" White Dragon yelled, folding his arms. "Blue Dragon! Hold the stubborn little idiot here," he ordered imperiously, and glowered at the supposed stubborn little idiot.

"Don't even try it, Seiryuu!" Dragon King snapped, striking an aggressive pose. "This is my destiny! You two can hold down the fort here, and if worst comes to worst, Grandpa can break out the flying, guided missile wheelchair and help. You know how he keeps asking to come along, so it'll be good for him. Hakuryuu, as the leader of our trio, I _order _you to let me go on my quest!" he said dramatically, and Hakuryuu gritted his teeth but nodded.

"All settled then," Dragon King grinned, rubbing his hands together. Then with a wave and a quick "Bye guys!" he turned away and followed Kujaku and Yasha to the Peacockship, as his cousins waved behind him and the bodies of the mecha-ogres smoldered.

Kujaku indicated the middle of the front seat, and wickedly grinned, "You can sit in the kiddie seat, Dragon King. We can easily squish you in. Oh, by the way, I'm Peacock Man, but you can call me Kujaku or Ku. You can call Northern Guardian Yasha, and we'll call you… Draggy."

"No, you'll call me _Ryuu_," Dragon King snapped, buckling his seatbelt as the other two buckled theirs. "I know all about your fondness for stupid nicknames, Peacock Man. Good thing Northern Guardian is actually normal. Yasha," he smiled, turning to him, "your abilities are legendary. Everybody knows you're the best – or so they say. Me, I wanna find out if that's really true, because I inherited my mom's powers, and she was better than you are."

"Yeah, right," Kujaku snorted as the ship lifted off. "The only hero better than Yasha was –"

"My mom was Dragon Queen," Ryuu said proudly. "Before Northern Guardian came along, she was the best superhero around! And she was an awesome family woman, too. In fact, when she died saving a school bus of children, my dad, House Husband, stepped into traffic to be with her."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Yasha compassionately replied, but then Kujaku ruined it with, "I pity the person who hit him, 'cause they probably went to jail for manslaughter."

"Y'know what? _You _can shut up," Ryuu sneered, and pointedly turned his back on Kujaku. Kujaku pouted a bit, but Yasha shot him a disapproving look so he kept his mouth shut.

Then Ryuu seriously proclaimed, "When all this is done, we're gonna fight each other, Yasha, so I can get my mommy's title of Best Superhero back. Okay? Okay," he nodded happily, without even giving Yasha a chance to say a word.

And that was that, Yasha was marked for a grudge match against his new friend. Oh, the youth these days.

.

When Yasha, Kujaku, and Ryuu arrived at Zouchouten's fortress (they'd been given directions), they were impressed. Clearly the man was a billionaire, and lab coat-clad assistants ushered them down a hallway bristling with technology and fancy art. Even Yasha had to wonder how Karura was still ignorant of her protector's thing for her, because a lot of the art dealt with Phoenix Woman and Garuda.

"One of the party has already arrived," the first assistant said, opening large double doors. "Very powerful, or very sweet. Depends on which side you're dealing with."

This made zero sense to Yasha, but when he saw the hero, his gut reaction was, _That's the most adorable little kid I've ever seen! I wish __I__ had been that cute._

The boy (who they thought was a girl) was no more than six, with big, long-lashed golden eyes; shoulder-length black hair in a high ponytail; his gold mask dangling from his hand; and a white, black, red, and gold supersuit with a white cape. The letters "BB" were on the chest, the first "B" facing the wrong way so they were back-to-back, and interestingly enough, the first letter was jagged and wicked-looking, while the second was rounded and harmless-looking.

"HI!" he cried excitedly, running up and giving Yasha a hug. As the paternal parts of Yasha's heart melted, the kiddo continued, "My name's Ashura Jones. I know all about you, Yasha! I'm your biggest fan, but not in a crazy way, in a _student _way," he said seriously, letting Yasha go.

"Ohmigawd, you are just the most _adorable _little girl ever!" Kujaku proclaimed, thus leading to a startling response from Ashura.

His eyes got smaller and hard and his voice became a chilling hiss, as he proclaimed, "I'm going to rip your head from your body and drink your blood if you annoy me. My wish is for the world to burn in flame! So don't you call me a girl anymore, you pathetic peacock fool."

As Kujaku's and Yasha's mouths hung open in offended shock, Ashura blinked, his eyes going back to their normal big, soft appearance, then he sighed in his regular voice, "Oh, don't mind Evil Me, he wants to rip everybody's heads off. I won't let him do it though, because I like you! But he _is _the one who fights, so you'll just have to learn to deal with him."

"So… you have two entities in one body," Kujaku sighed, nodding sagely. "Okay, that explains everything. So, Ashura, what's _your _superhero name?"

Ashura grinned proudly, drew himself up to his full height, puffed out his chest, and proceeded to be offensive as he told them, "I'm Bipolar Boy!"

"You can't have that as your name!" Yasha barked, appalled and wondering how Ashura hadn't gotten lambasted in the media. "Bipolar disorder is a heavy, heavy burden to bear, and a name like that is far too flippant to be politically correct. Young man, you change that alias this _instant_, or you'll be insulting hundreds of thousands of people."

"No, I like my superhero name," Ashura sniffed haughtily. "I came up with all by myself! Actually, Evil Me came up with it, but I thought it was a good idea so that's what we went with."

Yasha refrained from saying anything else, but had to think that Ashura would be getting nasty letters and emails soon. Heck, people got mad at _him_ for using Japanese imagery, because of World War II and all the atrocities Japan had committed. C'mon now, he was of Japanese descent, and there was more to that country than the sexual slavery of the "comfort women," the brutality of the destruction of Nanking, and the horrendous treatment of conquered territories and prisoners of war. Maybe if he'd used the striped rising sun, which was the equivalent of the Nazi swastika, but not the katanas and the kanji.

Just then, the door opened again, and a pretty young lady with braids in her long fawn hair walked in, bearing a humongous plate of what looked like homemade chocolate chip cookies. Her outfit was normal and she wore no mask, so naturally Yasha and Kujaku assumed she had no powers. She smiled like the sun, and it was a _brilliant _smile. Suddenly, everyone present felt like she was their best friend, and that this room was home.

"Oh there you are, Shara," said the first assistant, who for some odd reason was wearing a mask and a helmet so only his eyes showed. "Good, I bet they're hungry."

"No no, Vachii, I'm Hospitality Girl!" Shara corrected him with a proud smile, then told the other three, "I have the ability to never, ever make bad refreshments, and make everybody comfy just by my presence. My husband is Handsome Hunter, and Mr. Guardian, he's actually –"

"Can I have a cookie?" Ashura asked her, using the "big, shining eyes" trick. "I like you! And you're right about the comfort thing, because I feel like I've known you forever and ever and ever!"

"Yes sweetie, you can have all the cookies you want!" Shara nearly sang, and passed him the entire plate. Yasha was about to protest, "He'll get sick from so many!" when a familiar voice groaned from behind him, "Shara, honey, don't give him _all _the cookies."

Yasha whipped around, his heart in his throat, and saw a sight that made him think he was dreaming. For standing in front of him was a tall man with incredibly unruly black hair, equally unruly black eyebrows, and a superhero outfit replete with chains, armor, and spikes. Granted the two scars on the left side of his face were new, but there could be no doubt that this was Yasha's younger brother, Rasetsu. But Rasetsu had died at the family reunion! Hadn't he?

Nope.

Rasetsu stepped forwards and seized Yasha in a bear hug, grinning, "Good to see you again, big brother. Ha, you should see the look on your face!"

"Good God – _Rasetsu_ – how in the world –?"

"On the day our family died, I was on the dock," Rasetsu revealed, his eyes looking very dangerous. "When the first bomb came down, the shrapnel from one of the picnic tables gave me these scars. As I was running towards Baby Susie, that fucker with the updo tossed another one right onto the dock, and the explosion hurled me out into the river.

"I washed up more than two miles downstream, unconscious and with amnesia. The couple who found me brought me to the nearest hospital, which was two more miles away from our beloved town of Northville. And there…" He reached out a hand to take one of Shara's, grinning a goofy smile, "was where I met my future wife, the nurse who stayed with me even when her shift was over."

"We fell in love, but his memory was still lost," Shara continued for him. "He realized he had the powers of flight, quick healing, and berserker rage by accident, that last one when the next-door neighbor killed my dog with his car. See, I brought him home with me, and it was magical! We spent so much time lying in bed and –" she remembered Ashura then, and hastily changed her story to, "– reading to each other. We got married, and then, just last week, Zouchouten showed him a picture of you, Yasha, with your mask off, and it all came rushing back."

As Yasha filled Rasetsu in on all he'd done with his life, the supersuited Karura was leading Harpist Heroine and Ninja Lady down the halls, passing the masked assistant with a calm, "Vachii, please prepare the bedrooms for the team, since these are the last of them."

"Sure thing," he grinned, although you couldn't see it. Whistling a cheerful tune, Zouchouten's most loyal "assistant" (actually an assassin/guard) strolled off as Karura told Souma, "I'm especially excited about Peacock Man and Northern Guardian. They took down Pyro Mistress, who as you know is no friend of mine."

"Oh, I remember that psycho," Kendappa sneered. "We battled her and Hellspawn Lord before, and she's just as nasty as he was. It doesn't surprise me in the least that they were screwing around."

Karura pushed the doors open, and now, Six Stars was assembled: Phoenix Woman and Garuda, Northern Guardian and Peacock Man, Ninja Lady and Harpist Heroine, Dragon King, Handsome Hunter, and Bipolar Boy. If anybody could save the city, it would be them, maybe even without the moral support and help from Hospitality Girl, Vachii, Zouchouten, and one more lady soon to be revealed. Yes, Thunder God and his dastardly crew had better watch out!

Kendappa introduced herself and Souma, Karura introduced herself and Garuda, Ryuu proclaimed his superiority, Shara passed out more refreshments and told an embarrassing Rasetsu story, Yasha cautioned Ashura to slow down and actually chew his food, and Kujaku ate ten cookies, because Ashura was nice and shared. Finally Northern Guardian asked, "Where's Zouchouten?"

"He's getting our secret weapon," Karura said seriously, and everybody else perked up, imagining what that weapon might be.

Ryuu pictured a giant laser canon, Kendappa pictured a portable teleportation device, Souma pictured a genetically engineered animal, and so on and so forth. Kujaku himself, being someone who often thought outside the box, wondered if this secret weapon might in fact be a person. So he activated the third eye and cast around for what Zouchouten would be bringing in, because he was impatient and liked to know things as soon as possible. And yes, aha, in three seconds Zouchouten would enter the room with a woman, white-haired and blind, but very pretty and also quite friendly.

The door opened and everybody turned to look, and Zouchouten guided the lady in, both of them wearing sunglasses. She was clad in a white skirt suit and he was in a black suit this time, and she patted his arm and smiled, "Ah, I sense that you've gotten all of them. Wonderful!"

Zouchouten smiled too, and introduced her with, "This is Kuyou. Or as she insists on being called when working, Blind Justice," he sighed, rolling his eyes heavenwards for patience. "Kuyou, I swear, maybe if you wailed on people with a pair of scales it would work, but as it is –"

"I use my powers to find evildoers and indirectly punish them," she said serenely. "It works just fine. Now then, I must warn you that Thunder God and his posse have a seer as well: my sister, Mirror Magic. Although, Hanranya _does _need equipment to scry, so I'm better. This isn't empty bragging, by the way. How do you think Zouchouten found all of you?

"Right now –" she concentrated hard, then intoned, "Taishakuten has gathered his nefarious allies just like we've been gathered, and they're discussing who hits which part of the city. I – oh my, one of them has zombies! And one of them is a little girl who _desperately _needs to put some more clothes on before she attracts pedophiles. And it looks like two others actually don't want to be part of the attack, but are going along with it because they're pushovers."

Zouchouten had been recording all of this, and as everybody else looked at Kuyou with great respect, he asked her, "Can you tell the locations where they'll strike?"

"Hmmm… yes, yes I can."

As Kuyou listed off what was practically a tour of the city's major attractions, Ryuu said to Ashura, "I'm not scared of all those bad guys. I can take 'em, even Thunder God! All I gotta do is pull his hair, and when he's screaming and clutching at his scalp, I'll sic the water dragons on him."

"And I'll light a fire literally under his butt!" Ashura said excitedly, pumping his fists up and down in glee. "Evil Me keeps saying he killed my daddy, but he never tells me who my daddy was. Evil Me is such a meaniehead sometimes, but I do know my daddy was a superhero!"

Or so he thought. To all outward appearances, Ashuraou Guardianton _had _been a hero. However, he'd boinked a certain villainess because she had some blackmail on him (he too was possessed of an evil side, one that had committed massacres in other countries), and he'd thought, _Sleep with you to prevent that from coming out? Okay you stupid slut, that won't be hard at all._

Unfortunately… the "stupid slut" had been Taishakuten's wife. And she'd known very well that Taishakuten would go berserk and kill Ashuraou when he found out, but not for the reason that everybody else suspected. See, Taishie was bisexual and _obsessed _with Ashuraou (or Golden Fire, as was his alias), and when Shashi showed him the footage of Ashuraou saying nasty things about him during pillow talk, Taishakuten's obsessive love had turned to obsessive hate, just as she'd planned.

How _dare _Ashuraou call Taishakuten "an overrated pretty boy with hair gayer than Liberace"?! How _dare _he say he was "a complete and total psychopath, incapable of caring for others"?! Taishakuten had cared for Ashuraou, dammit, and now his pride was wounded. So he'd killed him in a very painful way, thus exorcising what he came to think of as his one weakness. Meanwhile, Shashi had thought the kid she was carrying was Taishakuten's, but once she saw whose he really was, she'd tried to –

"Oh, Handsome Hunter… if you fight, you're going to die," Kuyou said seriously, turning her face to Rasetsu. "The method of your death varies depending on whom you battle, but the outcome is always the same. You don't want to leave Shara a widow, do you?"

"Don't go, Rasetsu!" Shara pleaded, throwing herself into his arms. "I can't bear to live without you!"

Rasetsu, though a belligerent person who had been looking forwards to this fight with great anticipation, couldn't bear the thought of Shara being unable to live without him. So, much as it killed him to do this, he nodded frantically and agreed, "Don't worry darlingkins, I'll stay right here with you. I'd never want to leave you alone!"

"Ick," Ryuu sighed as they passionately smooched. "So, Z, do we still have enough heroes to fight those punks?"

"I think so. I had _planned _to have you and Rasetsu team up, but you'll be okay by yourself, right?" Zouchouten asked seriously. Ryuu threw out his chest, jerked a thumb towards his face, and bragged, "Hey, I'm Dragon Queen's son, and I've got her water dragons. I don't think there'll be a problem."

"I'll be monitoring the situation from the control room, and I'll do my best to dispatch police and medical personnel where needed. And of course, if anyone attacks this facility, I'll try to fight them off," Zouchouten told the room, and somehow, nobody doubted that the facility would be safe.

As Zouchouten assigned places to protect, in a different facility, Taishakuten was assigning the same places to attack. His crew of dastardly evildoers was just _so _excited about this, and one of them simpered, "Thunder God, only _you _would have the balls to mount such an assault on a major metropolis."

"I don't appreciate you mentioning those parts of my body, Gorgeous Whirlwind," Taishakuten said dangerously, his eyes shining with malice from behind his lightning bolt mask. "If you want to keep yours, you'll never do it again, and _stop _looking at my crotch!"

Gorgeous Whirlwind hastily nodded and averted his eyes, but couldn't help thinking, _You're wearing __spandex__, honey. How can I __not__ notice the goods? Ooh, when all this is over and your bitch wife is hopefully dead, I'll email you my favorite fanfic: "Thunder on the Wind." Thanks, fans, for writing such gay erotica! It's so nice to not have to risk viruses for my porn, because it just shows up in my inbox from the "Super Slash" newsgroup._

Blissfully unaware of Vahyu Windschutz's plans, Taishakuten dismissed his allies, and as he made his way to his chosen spot, he thought to himself, _Once the sun sets on today, I'll be the first supervillain in the history of the world to actually take over a city. "Supervillain Weekly," get ready for me to break my own record!_

.

First, let's look in on Dragon King, who had been dispatched to the western part of the city. The famous Westfalls Park to be precise, a popular destination for tourists and a symbol of Tenkaitropolis, which was undoubtedly why it had been targeted since it had no strategic value. Personally, Ryuu was pissed that he hadn't been sent to somewhere more important; it was because he was short, wasn't it? Zouchouten thought short people couldn't handle themselves, that had to be it! Stupid arrogant tall person, Ryuu would show _him_.

Hmm… so far, no screams of panic or burning landscape. People wandered around in pairs, groups, or by themselves, a tour guide explained the history and symbolism of a particular sculpture, and so far nobody had noticed Ryuu up in the sky. He decided to keep it that way for as long as possible, and zoomed over to the top of the first, biggest waterfall, because that was an iconic place for showdowns.

He landed on the rock in the middle of the waterfall, surveying the surroundings. Okay, so they weren't here yet, but somebody was definitely going to –

"Hey look, Deva! I mean, Earthquake Dude," an excited voice came from behind him. "It's just a shrimp! _Score_, I was afraid we'd get Northern Guardian!"

Ryuu whirled around, incredibly pissed. There he saw a skinny man in a sky-blue and white costume, with spiky pale blond hair and a tattoo on his right cheek, and a large, dark-skinned man in a brown and green costume, who almost but not quite had Zouchouten's build, with oddly-styled white hair and a mace. They were grinning evilly, the grins of fools who had no idea how badly they were about to be pwned.

"I am Ozone Obliviator!" the skinny one introduced himself with a proud smirk.

"And I am Earthquake Dude!" the big one added, flexing his muscles. And together, they yelled, "This is your end, Dragon King!" and leapt for him.

Ryuu matter-of-factly threw the water dragons at them, and midair, they were ripped apart so fast they didn't know what had hit them. YAY! This was proof that he was, in fact, the _best _superhero, and Northern Guardian had better watch out, he thought with a cocky grin. The water dragons consumed his enemies' remains, and Ryuu let them because they'd been so good. Ha, that would teach Ozone Obliviator and Earthquake Dude to call him "shrimp."

Yup, Rudra Cloudsky and Deva Rockearth had been no match for Dragon King! It was almost laughable how severely one-sided that fight had been. Ryuu was about to turn around and go help Yasha, but then he had a thought: what if these guys had just been the decoys, and Taishakuten himself was just waiting to get the drop on Ryuu?

And so Ryuu wasted the rest of the day, harassing a hobo with long silver hair and generally making a nuisance of himself.

.

Now, for some Souma and Kendappa badassery. They'd been sent to the Tenkaitropolis Stock Exchange, and there they would face a threat far greater than the pathetic Deva and Rudra. In fact, the threat was already there when they arrived: two supervillains, a sexy brunette woman and a young redheaded man. They'd landed in the courtyard, and there were fires and smoking holes in the stock exchange already. Souma, deciding to see what they were dealing with instead of blindly rushing in, yanked Kendappa behind a wall as the villainess screamed with diabolical laughter.

People were fleeing like crazed cockroaches when the light comes on – until she stretched out her hands and crimson miasma spread from them, forming a circular wall. The smarter citizens skidded to a stop or backed away, but the dumber ones hit it headlong, and that was the last thing they ever did. Poor souls, all they'd done was come to work today!

"My bitchiness is corrosive, ah-ha-haa!" she gloated, as the people caught in the miasma screamed and sizzled. "Now, who else wants to try to run away?"

Not surprisingly, no one did. They all froze like deer in headlights, and the young man sighed as if he pitied them. The woman just strutted up the steps, giving the onlookers an eyeful of a perfect ass, because she was wearing a thong. Her companion followed her but visibly averted his eyes, but Souma couldn't help but notice that a lot of the trapped men looked almost happy now.

"Fear me, citizens of Tenkaitropolis!" the thong-clad villainess proclaimed as she reached the top of the stairs, turning to face them and pumping one of her fists in the air. "I am your new empress, Power Hoarder!"

"Or Power Whore," Kendappa muttered in disgust. "Look at that outfit! It's worse than Pyro Mistress's. At least Ms. Flamey had the sense not to wear spike heels on those thigh-highs. And how the hell does that woman punch people with claws like that?!"

"You will all kneel before me!" Power Hoarder screamed before Souma could reply, and the citizens hastened to obey thanks to that prior demonstration of bitch power. Next to her, the redheaded guy said weakly, "Um, Mother? Mother, Father said to take some hostages, you know. I guess we should, uh –"

"Quiet, Noble Prince. I'm changing the plan. You see, I will turn them all into my mindslaves by my hypnotizing gift of persuasion, and when I do, I will _overthrow –!_"

"I think _not!_" Kendappa yelled, breaking cover to land on top of the fountain in the courtyard, for a picture-perfect demonstration of superheroine awesomeness. "You'd better be prepared to fight for that vision, Power Hoarder and Noble Prince!"

"Who're _you?_" Noble Prince breathed, staring at her in awe. "Where did you come from?" And in his mind, he added, _And where have you been all my life?_

"I am Harpist Heroine, and this is Ninja Lady!" Kendappa proclaimed as Souma landed next to her. "We refuse to let you win, you terrible people, and if you don't surrender right now, Ninja Lady will use her Crescent Moon attack and severely injure you. So hands up, and just come quietly!"

"Okay," Noble Prince said cheerfully, obediently raising his hands, but Power Hoarder grabbed them and yanked them back down with a snarled, "Tenou, you're a _villain! _Villains never come quietly. When she says that, you say something like, 'Never, pathetic fool!' with an evil laugh."

"C'mon Noble Prince, don't be stupid," Souma encouraged desperately. "If you surrender, I promise we'll –"

"Tenou, if you surrender, I'm killing your Golden Retriever!" Power Hoarder vowed, and her son blanched white. He hastily assumed a fighting position, and reluctantly told Souma, "I, um, have to fight you now. Nothing personal, but Fluffy is my best friend."

"If you're gonna be that way, okay," Kendappa sighed, getting into fight mode as well. "But we did offer you a chance to escape a serious butt-kicking."

"We'll see who's doing the butt-kicking!" Power Hoarder screeched, taking a running leap and launching herself at Kendappa with her fingers spread, like she was going to use her nails as claws. Uh-oh, Kendappa never had been good against claws or knives.

_Brrzap! _

That was the sound of a laser, shot from the big gem on the bottom of the harp. A massive bolt of neon blue light narrowly missed disintegrating Power Hoarder's face, and instead made another smoking hole in the wall of the stock exchange. She _almost _succeeded in ripping Kendappa's throat out, but Souma flew down and pulled her back, as Noble Prince just stood around, trying to make it look like he was actually doing something.

His bitchy mommy slashed at Souma with her nails now, and while she missed her face, of _course _she opened some tears on Souma's top. Since Ninja Lady was so quick she hadn't actually drawn blood, but stripes of brown mammary skin shone through the black spandex. Yes, a superheroine's costume was _always _ripped in fanservice-y ways, while super_heroes_ usually got bloody scratches and torn clothing on their legs and arms. Oh, occasionally the chest covering was ripped, but not very often.

Seeing that Souma was holding her own, Kendappa turned her attention to Noble Prince, who watched her approach with a nervous look on his face. It wouldn't surprise her in the least if it was because he didn't like to hit girls, not because he was afraid of getting beaten up. Somehow, she had to think that he was probably beaten up a lot.

So she was immensely surprised when he punched her faster than she would've thought possible, knocking her to her back. But even as she landed, she heard a guilty intake of breath.

"Sorry!" he squeaked, looking absolutely distraught. "I didn't mean to hit you that hard!"

Kendappa, getting the distinct sense that this guy was really no threat whatsoever, decided to go easy on him. She planned to knock him out as gently as she could, so no lasers. Maybe if she just whacked him over the head with her harp, that would do the trick.

As Kendappa readied her harp to clobber poor, browbeaten Tenou, Souma was fighting for her life against Power Hoarder, who was definitely fighting dirty. She hid behind hostages and even tossed some at Souma, she used low blows, and Souma was ever-mindful of the corrosive miasma, which could make an encore appearance at any time. So she kicked her with all her strength, sending Power Hoarder crashing back right into Noble Prince, just as Kendappa was about to whack him.

For a moment the evildoer and her son just groaned, "Owwwww," but soon Power Hoarder got to her feet, pulling Tenou up with a snarled, "Okay you dyke, you broke one of my nails. Now the gloves are coming off!"

And then, to Souma and Kendappa's great surprise, Noble Prince pinched a nerve on the back of Power Hoarder's neck, instantly rendering her unconscious. She fell like a sack of bricks but he conscientiously caught her, and as the heroines stared in awe, he gently laid her on the ground with a sighed, "Mother, this is just too dangerous for everybody. I'm sorry, but I have to do the right thing here."

As the shields of miasma blew away, he explained to the other two, "See, I just can't stand to have all these innocent people hurt. So if your offer still holds, I'd like to surrender now."

"Heck, you don't need to surrender, you helped us!" was Kendappa's reply, as she slapped him on the back. "There's no need for us to capture you at all. Right Souma?" she directed at her woman, and Ninja Lady nodded with a big smile on her face.

"No, please, take me into custody, and bring Fluffy along," Tenou pleaded, holding out his wrists. "When my father finds out what I did, he'll kill me otherwise! Jail has guards with guns, so I'll be somewhat safer than I would be if I stayed out here."

With a plea like that, it would've been cruel to say no. So Souma gently bound Tenou's hands, Kendappa harshly bound his mother's with a spare harp string (ouch), and they waited for the police to arrive, making small talk and getting to know each other better. If only every showdown would end like this.

.

As Tenou was telling Kendappa all about Fluffy, Ashura was cautiously walking down the subway tracks. He had the powers of super-jumps and quick healing, so he was fine whenever a train went by. Kuyou had insisted that someone would be mounting an attack on the subway system, but so far Ashura hadn't seen any –

And that, as I'm sure you expected, was when the concrete gave way beneath his feet. Screaming in terror, he hurtled down into inky blackness, Evil Ashura and Regular Ashura switching off in their distress. Finally he landed in a pile of old hobo rags as Regular Ashura, and Evil Ashura decided to let him have control. After all, the rags smelled terrible.

"Icky," Ashura whined, rubbing his head and scrambling out of his body odor-ridden savior. "Aw man, why did I fall down so suddenly like that?! That's not normal, unless –"

"Ah-HA-HA-HAA!" came a gloating man's voice from the left, as light flared in the darkness. "No, it wasn't normal at all. Still, weren't those city planners stupid, putting a subway line over this old cave?"

Ashura hastily turned to face the speaker, and gulped at what he saw. The speaker was a pale man with olive-green hair, put into an updo for some inexplicable reason, masked and clad in a white outfit with a long cape that draped to the floor. Next to him stood a beautiful woman, dark-skinned and with lovely, shining blond hair, clad in white as well. But her outfit also featured lots of Indian jewelry, and her mask was shaped like flowers. She wasn't too frightening, but the beings behind her and her companion were. Zombies, an uncountable number of zombies!

"You've fallen straight down to your doom!" the man proclaimed, sounding oh so excited about that. "But before you die, let me introduce myself and my _lovely_ wife. I am Underworld Ruler, she is Pretty Priestess, and these, Bipolar Boy, are my undead minions!" He swept an arm out to indicate the zombies, some of which waved with jerky movements.

Uh-oh. Ashura had been _sure _that Yasha or Karura would be the ones dealing with the zombies, not him. What to do? Well, maybe if he killed Underworld King, the zombies would go back to being plain old dead bodies.

Where had this guy even gotten them, anyway? Had he raided a graveyard? Or were these the result of a lab experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong? But no, wait, they were dressed in regular clothes: some in suits, some in t-shirts, one in a Speedo (ew), even a couple in a wedding dress and tuxedo. It was like they'd been going about their day, and then they'd gotten zombified. Maybe it had been a fast-acting, airborne pathogen, that was pretty common for zombie hordes in movies.

Ashura gulped and replied, "Can't we just talk things out before Evil Me has to destroy everybody?"

"No," Underworld Ruler said flatly, but his wife seized his arm, fervently nodding her head in agreement with Ashura.

"Oh, Underworld Ruler, he's so cute!" she cooed, smiling at the kiddo. "I didn't know he'd be a little boy! Darling, I can't hurt him. He's just too… innocent!"

"Sweetheart, I have an army of zombies here. They get unruly if I don't tell them to eat something," Underworld Ruler explained, sounding annoyed. "Yes he's adorable, but this is my big chance! Once the zombies eat Bipolar Boy, Thunder God will trust me enough to turn his back, and I can kill him for the city full of my people that he leveled!"

"Wait a sec. How was it your city?" Ashura asked, confused.

"I used to be the mayor of Kusumapura," Underworld Ruler explained, "and the zombies were my constituents. I only survived thanks to an underground bunker and my wife's ability to chant supplies into existence and not need food. She's technically dead, but thanks to my arcane hobbies, she lives on. See, fooling around with necromancy _can _lead to good things, right darling?" he directed at his wife.

"It sure can," she sighed, giving him an adoring look. "I died from a gunshot wound three years ago, but my husband made a deal with the Devil to bring me back, perfectly fine except for the not needing to eat or drink bit," she informed Ashura.

"So what was the price?" Ashura had to ask, as the zombies milled around and eyed him hungrily. "The Devil doesn't do anything for free."

"Oh, just the soul of our firstborn," Underworld Ruler said airily, and then smirked, "But we got her tubes tied, so I won. The Devil wasn't happy about that, but he _was _impressed by our scheming, so he let Kahra – I mean, Pretty Priestess – live. Of course, when I die she dies too."

"But my life would be torture without you, Kumie," Kahra/Pretty Priestess assured him, and as they gave each other goofy smiles, Ashura had to wonder why people like this were in the villain camp. They didn't seem sadistic, just obsessed and probably a little unbalanced, at least in Underworld Ruler/Kumie's case.

Ashura cautiously pointed out, "You seem really nice, Pretty Priestess. I know _his _reason for joining Thunder God, but not yours. Or is it just because he's there and you followed him?"

"Well, honey," Kahra sighed a bit sadly, "my twin sister is Thunder God's wife. I happen to hate him for what he did to Kusumapura, but I love Shashi despite the way she treats me and the world. She even tried to kill her own baby! Luckily I managed to grab him and send him off to an adoption agency, so it all worked out in the end."

"Hey, that's funny. I'm from an adoption agency too," Ashura said pleasantly, trying to keep these people talking instead of killing. "The Tiny Tots Dump-'Em-Here Adoption Agency, down on 300th Street."

Kahra startled and peered at Ashura with great scrutiny. She took in his black hair, his golden eyes, and his age, and asked a bit tremulously, "Sweetie, how old are you, and what's your real name? Because you look a lot like my nephew did, and his name was Ashura. He'd be six now."

"That's _my _name!" Bipolar Boy exclaimed. "And I'm six, so you must be my auntie! I have a family after all!" he cheered, pumping his fists in the air.

"Well that's just _great_," Underworld Ruler grouched, folding his arms and glowering. "I can't kill my own nephew by marriage! Kahra, honey, you've really done it this time with your kind nature. Now Taishakuten will hunt us down and kill _us_ for letting Ashura go! Maybe if we just fake our deaths…" he thought aloud, stroking his chin as he pondered how to escape certain electrocution.

Kahra, crying with joy, had rushed forward to hug her nephew and barely heard her husband. Ashura hugged her back, crying too, as Evil Ashura privately thought this was all exceedingly stupid. But Regular Ashura felt like he'd never been so happy! He had _family!_ Granted he'd have to angst over his mother trying to kill him later, but for now, he was content to bask in Kahra's adoration.

Finally they broke their hug and wiped their eyes, and Ashura turned to Underworld Ruler and began, "Uncle – um, what's your name?"

"His name is Kumaraten," Kahra told her nephew with a smile, and Ashura beamed up at Kumaraten and chirped, "Uncle Kumaraten, why don't you and Auntie Kahra just follow me over to the good guy side? We can protect you, and then you can do good stuff instead of bad stuff! I mean, don't you feel bad about being a villain and using your citizens as zombies? Don't you think they'd rather rest in peace?"

"Well… that would certainly be _nice_, but I don't think you realize what you're dealing with. Taishakuten escaped from a prison with security so high, it should have been impossible. He's very dangerous, and if he gets wind of us having switched sides, our lives are forfeit. So I think we should go with our plan of running away, to the Amazon Basin I think," Kumaraten decided, tapping his fingertips together.

"But what if Yasha kills him?" Ashura protested hotly. "Northern Guardian can do _anything!_ Maybe you should just wait down here until I tell you it's okay to come up."

"That's a reasonable suggestion, honey," Kahra wheedled. "Taishakuten's luck has to run out someday, after all. Why don't we do as Ashura says, and then –"

"Zombies, precious, hungry _zombies_," Kumaraten shot back, gesturing at them. They were definitely restless, and were eyeing all three of them like they couldn't wait to eat some brains. What to do? Ashura could feel his other self wanting to come out and start a massacre, but he stubbornly held him back, for now at least.

And then Kumaraten's face lit up, and he took a deep breath and bellowed, "Turn on each other, my minions! Devour your comrades! And when only one of you is left, devour yourself!"

And that was exactly what they did. In a gruesome spectacle, the zombies attacked each other, eating off hands, arms, legs, feet, and even heads. Ashura cringed and Kahra clapped a hand over his eyes, as Kumaraten dusted his hands and said proudly, "And that takes care of that. Now, we'll just wait right here until you tell us we're safe. If you don't return in three days, we're off to the Amazon Basin."

.

And now, on to Yasha and Kujaku. They had been sent to the very important Twelve Generals Hydraulic Dam, which supplied most of the city's power. And boy, if it got destroyed, would the city be in trouble, not just for the loss of electricity either. The sheer volume of water contained in the reservoir, if let loose, would inundate most of downtown, and a lot of other areas too.

"It looks okay so far," Kujaku muttered as they hovered over the wall that held the water back. "Do you think they'll come up from the reservoir, tunnel in from underground, or blow it up from the sky?"

Before Yasha could reply, a little girl's voice laughed, "No, I'll come from right behind you!"

They turned, stunned that they'd be fighting a child. But she wasn't _really _a child, just a demon that had taken a victim's form. And as such, she thought as an adult, and thus wore clothes that no child should ever wear: a little ruffled skirt that showed her striped panties, thigh-high lacy stockings, a corset, and little fishnet gloves. She grinned at them with a mouth painted with red lip gloss, fluttered her made-up purple eyes, and tittered, "I am Lolita Lover!"

"Oh _hell _no," Yasha snarled, feeling sick. "Young lady, once we capture you, I'm sending you to therapy!"

Lolita Lover, who was hovering in the air like some sort of spirit, just laughed again and replied, "Silly Northern Guardian, you'll do nothing of the sort. Because I'm going to eat you! Then I'll take _your _form, and nothing will stand in my way! Fear my BUTTERFLIES!" she screamed, as the insects shot from her outstretched hands.

Butterflies? Really? _Really? _Even if they had razor-sharp wings, this was just stupid. Yasha sliced and diced the butterflies with both katanas, and Kujaku melted them by the truckload. Sheesh, if this was all Lolita Lover had, Yasha was surprised she'd survived this long.

And so he battled ever closer, wondering what the right thing to do was. On the one hand, she's said she would take _his _form, which implied that her current one wasn't real. On the other hand, she looked like a little girl, and Yasha had a deep aversion to children getting hurt. So maybe what he had to do was knock her out like Pyro Mistress and Siren Singer, and then things would be all right.

But that was a mistake. The moment he sheathed the katanas, she cackled and blasted him with _ice_, encasing him in a layer of it. AAAUGH! Oh no, he was going to hit the water and die, if he didn't suffocate first.

"YASHA!" came Kujaku's distraught yell, then warm hands caught him, thankfully glowing with low-level plasma. Which melted the ice, thankfully, and as Yasha gasped for breath, Kujaku decided to kill Lolita Lover for their own safety. Her child's appearance? Who cared? Some kids were evil anyway, so even if she wasn't an adult in a child's body, Kujaku really didn't have any qualms about this.

"Have some of _this!_" he bellowed, launching a blast of the highest-level plasma he could at her. She screamed and sizzled, as Yasha winced. Oh man, he really hoped nobody was recording this one.

But it didn't kill her. She fell to the wall, panting and half-melted, which removed all doubt in the heroes' minds that she was something inhuman. But she was clearly going to die soon, so she gasped, "Fools! You don't know what's going on right now, far from you!"

"Like what?" Kujaku demanded, seizing her shoulders. "What's happening?!"

"The mayor's… daughter…" Lolita Lover choked. "She's being kidnapped as we speak. And Taishakuten's at the top of the Tenkai Tower… he's waiting for you to… come to him… urk," she gurgled, and expired.

"That's my sister!" Kujaku cried in horror, letting Lolita Lover's body drop. "Yasha, I have to be the one to save her, okay? You go fight Taishie, and whoever gets done first goes and assists the other one, all right? Geez, this isn't how I anticipated meeting Kisshouten, but I think destiny is sending me a sign here," he said seriously, nodding his head in conviction.

"It could be a trap. Don't you think it's odd that she told us about it? I mean, why wouldn't she keep it secret, and then it would have a better chance of happening?" Yasha pointed out with a frown.

"So we _know _about it, silly! How else are we two protagonists supposed to advance our hero journey?" Kujaku replied, with fourth-wall powers Deadpool would be proud of. "It's standard for things to happen like this, in all sorts of fiction. Comic books, manga, movies, TV shows –"

"Then we'd better get a move on," Yasha bluntly interrupted. "It's just… Kujaku, I'm worried about you taking on your sister's kidnapper all by yourself. If something happens to you, I don't know what I'll do," he admitted honestly, in a very unmanly voice that he was glad no one else heard.

Kujaku just looked at him for a moment, a very unmanly expression on his face to match the one on Yasha's. What if this was the last time they ever saw each other? What if one never came back? God, each would fall completely apart, because losing the love of your life, while it happens to one half of every life partnership, is one of the worst things that can befall a human being.

So Kujaku embraced Yasha and kissed him passionately, putting all sorts of emotions into his kiss. For a moment the surroundings seemed to melt away, and the future too, and it was just them, Kujaku Blackwings and Yasha Yamason. Then reality returned, and they were Peacock Man and Northern Guardian again, and they had jobs to do.

"I love you," Kujaku told him desperately as he broke the kiss. "Please, come back to me in one piece, okay? And I swear I'll do the same."

"I'll do my best," Yasha promised, with all his heart. "I love you too! But we've got to go before it's too late, even though I don't want to."

And with that they nodded, turned, and flew off in different directions, Yasha to the north, Kujaku to the west. Yasha couldn't stop a glance behind him, though, watching that flashy figure hurtling away, cape flying in the wind. Then he made himself look in front of him again, and concentrated on going as fast as he could towards the Tenkai Tower.

But he was interrupted. Halfway there, a figure broke from the rooftops and confronted him, with a haughty, "I don't think so, Northern Guardian! You'll have to get through _me _first, and I know you won't."

One of the first things Yasha noticed was an interesting piece of armor on the dude's right arm. It looked like a shield attached to an armored glove, with wicked-sharp claws on the hand part. Okay, so he had to watch out for those, but maybe if he attacked on the left side he'd be all right.

The villain's costume said a lot about him. It was mostly black, and the top revealed an awful lot of bare chest, crisscrossed with lacing. He had a cape, a dramatic gold one that looked like silk. His spandex pants featured gold designs that looked like gusts of wind, and he wore leather briefs on top of the spandex. And as if to drive the point home that this man was a pervert, there was a zipper on the groin of those leather briefs. Yeah.

Yasha had to roll his eyes. Great, he was dealing with a deviant, and he just _knew _that –

"I am Gorgeous Whirlwind!" the deviant haughtily informed him, striking a pose with his hair and cape appropriately enough billowing in the wind around him. "You may have defeated Pyro Bitch and Water Whiner, and completely wiped the floor with Lolita Loser, but you won't beat _me _so easily, Northern Guardian!"

"Wait, how did you know we defeated Lolita Lover?" Yasha asked suspiciously, wondering if this guy had been following him around.

"I heard it on the wind, fool," Gorgeous Whirlwind smirked, enticingly flipping his wavy blond hair out of habit. "I hear all sorts of things thanks to my powers. Too bad you're missing lover boy. Or should I say," he grinned nastily, " 'Kujie-koo'? Ha-ha! What do you think about _that_, 'Ya-Ya'?" he taunted, striking a new pose with a hip cocked out.

Yasha, offended that Gorgeous Whirlwind had quite clearly been eavesdropping on private conversations, hauled out both katanas and snarled, "Enough talk, you conceited, cocky queen! And don't you _dare _try to hit on me while we're fighting, I can easily tell you're flaming by your outfit."

"I'll hit on you if I want to, sexy!" Gorgeous Whirlwind chortled, summoning a tornado around him. "Let's see you and your nice pecs get through _this!_"

Yasha and his nice pecs were at first stymied, but then he used the maximum power on the rocket boots, and put all his strength into a blow from both katanas. And one blow like that is all it takes for a manly hero to completely destroy a barrier, this has been proven numerous times. Gorgeous Whirlwind seemed very surprised, but managed to fly back out of range, as Yasha assumed a defensive position and waited. His opponent wasn't going anywhere, after all.

"Okay, you might've gotten though the tornado," Gorgeous Whirlwind shrugged, then brandished his right arm and shouted, "But you can't get escape my _claws!_"

Yasha barely had time to snort in disdain (how could he get hurt by the claws when they were five feet away?) before he was given a nasty surprise. The claws on the – on the whatever the hell that was shot out on cables, aaah! And somehow, he just _knew _that Gorgeous Whirlwind could control them just like fingers.

His reflexes saved him, and he spun like a whirlwind himself, cutting the claws off their cables no matter which direction they were coming from. Now his enemy was _shocked_, simply shocked, and yelled, "You awful man! Ooh, I don't think you're sexy anymore! Those claws cost _so _much money, and they were custom! Well, I can still kill you without them."

And with that he launched himself forward, for a battle Yasha would remember for a long time afterwards.

Gorgeous Whirlwind was tougher than Lolita Lover, a _lot _tougher. Yasha found himself fighting hard, harder than he'd fought for probably five months. But he took some consolation in the fact that Blondie was having a hard time too, panting for breath and getting visibly worn down. Good, because Yasha's reserves of strength were beginning to drain as well. In any other situation he'd have played the waiting game, since he had better stamina, but not when he still had to fight Taishakuten.

"Hey Gorgeous Whirlwind," Yasha panted, trying some subterfuge, "I have to admit, you do look pretty good when you're all flushed like that." _Please let this work, even though it's really dumb._

And stupidly enough, it did work. The villain grinned brightly, and let down his guard with a flirtatious, "Well, Ya-Ya, you look pretty good yourse–"

That was when Yasha hacked at him with the right katana, opening up a wound on his upper left arm. OW!

"You _bitch!_" Gorgeous Whirlwind screamed, clutching his freely bleeding limb. "You dared to mar my beautiful skin!"

Yasha said nothing, just kicked him in the head when he was whining. He knocked him back against a building's wall and thus knocked him unconscious too, and was tempted to just let him fall. But nope, heroes didn't do things like that, so he caught his defeated enemy and set him on the ground, to cheers from the assembled fans.

Yasha really didn't care if the fans mobbed Gorgeous Whirlwind, so he left him to their tender mercies and continued on his way. He only hoped he wasn't too late. Good God, what if Taishakuten had already killed somebody while Gorgeous Whirlwind was wasting Yasha's time?

.

As Yasha sped across the city to confront Thunder God, a battle was with him was already underway. Karura had been sent to the Tenkai Tower, and she was currently fighting for her life. But her hated, sister-murdering enemy was in front of her, so though she was bleeding and bruised, she refused to go down! Her Phoenixmobile lay smashed and smoldering on the roof, and Garuda was missing a couple wing feathers, but they were determined to end Taishakuten's reign of terror.

"Oh, Phoenix Woman," Taishakuten taunted as they both caught their breaths, "my saramahs said they'd never tasted anything as tender and delicious as little Karyoubinga."

It had just the effect he'd hoped for. Her eyes blazed and she blindly rushed at him, which he was ready for. He delivered a fast knee jab to the diaphragm, and as she gasped for breath he attacked with the lightning, throwing her back a full six feet, unconscious and sparking.

Garuda screamed in fury, unsure what to do in his little bird brain. Did he keep attacking, or did he try to wake Mommy up? He went with "wake Mommy up," and as he frantically pecked at Karura, Taishakuten threw his head back and demonstrated his award-winning evil laugh.

"Foolish Phoenix Woman!" he proclaimed when he was done with that, sauntering closer because he had all the time in the world. "I think I'll wring the overgrown parakeet's neck, rip his beak off, and use it to slash your throat. Won't that be _funny?_"

"HEY!"

At this bellow, Taishakuten turned with an eyebrow lifted in surprise. A tall, muscular man, clad in full body armor with an eye mask under the helmet, was stalking towards him with purpose in his gait. He was holding a projectile weapon so big it weighed more than the average basketball player, so clearly he had super-strength. Taishakuten was confused, because who was this guy?

"Step away from her," the guy growled, clicking the safety off on the weapon. "I mean it. If you hurt her I'm going to blow your head off, and the fangirls can hold candlelight vigils all they want, you won't be coming back. It would be a wise decision to surrender, you arrogant prick."

"Now how do you expect me to take you seriously as a superhero if you're not wearing spandex, or at least leather?" Taishakuten taunted. "Idiot."

"The spandex is overrated," Zouchouten sighed, rolling his eyes heavenwards as if praying for patience. "And technically, I'm not a superhero, just somebody with powers, and –"

"You're wearing an eye mask," Taishakuten drawled, gathering lightning in both hands. "You're allied with Phoenix Woman. You're trying to fight me, so you, sir, are in fact a superhero. A soon-to-be _dead _superhero, but a superhero nonetheless. Now, tell me your name so I can add you to my list of defeated enem–"

Zouchouten said nothing in response, just matter-of-factly fired the Widowmaker Mach 5. Honestly, that was another dumb constant of superheroism/supervillainy, standing around talking instead of fighting. No sense wasting any more time, and ha, Taishakuten had let his guard down while chatting, what a fool.

No less than sixteen tiny tracking missiles zeroed in on Thunder God, who had time to scream, "How dare you?!" before impact. Needless to say, his handsome face was ruined, as was his body, in a visual that would not be appropriate for mainstream comics or the press. Zouchouten didn't notice this, because he was too busy throwing himself to the side to avoid the lightning blasts his enemy had sent at him. He managed to get away, but the Widowmaker Mach 5, alas, took the brunt of the attack. It sizzled and sparked, and then, because there were conventions, it exploded, sending shrapnel absolutely everywhere.

"OW! Ouch, shit, ow!" Zouchouten snarled, clamping a hand to his bleeding left bicep. Oh well, if this was the worst, it wasn't so bad. Nothing some medical attention and TLC from a grateful Karura wouldn't fix, same with the gouges in his leg and the deep cut on his shoulder.

He got to his feet with a wince, and raced over to his fallen love interest. She was covered in bits of Taishakuten, but seemed to be merely superficially cut, bruised, and unconscious. Good! Her breathing was regular, Garuda didn't seem too upset now that Zouchouten was here, and he couldn't see any limbs at a strange angle. Perhaps she had a concussion, though, so he'd make sure to mention that to the EMTs.

"Okay, Garuda," he said to the bird as he gingerly put Karura over his right shoulder, "there's an ambulance down on the street, and all we have to do is take the elevator down. Unless of course we're attacked, because that seems to be another trope of this genre."

"Squawk."

But despite Zouchouten's suspicions, no attack came – at least, no physical attack. He stepped out of the elevator to see the media arrayed in the lobby, cameras trained towards the elevator doors and microphones out. For a moment he was tempted to step back, slam the doors shut, go back upstairs, and call for a med helicopter, but that was stupid. So he gritted his teeth and tried to ignore the jackals of the press, who were hindering his way to the ambulance, shouting the same questions in different ways and filming like maniacs. Dammit, didn't these people _realize _he had an injured woman here?

"I don't think that's her blood," he told the EMTs when he reached them. "It's Thunder God's, because I blew him to Kingdom Come. But please, take good care of her, all right?"

"Is the bird bloody from Thunder God, or his own injuries?" one EMT asked, as the other two strapped Karura to a gurney.

"Screech! Shree squawk kreee!" Garuda replied, settling onto Zouchouten's shoulder, and the big guy translated, "No, it's all Thunder God's. He's basically a pool of blood and meaty bits, so don't even bother going up there to try to save him."

The EMT nodded, as the members of the media closest to the elevator doors raced for them, desperate to be the first to film the carnage. The ones near the front pressed even closer, practically screaming their questions now, and Zouchouten desperately wished that he'd brought one of the new portable force shields he'd been working on. Sheesh, it looked like he'd be followed home unless he took a chopper.

"Sir, who _are _you?" the EMT asked, breaking his train of thought. "I'm familiar with every superhero and supervillain in the city, and I've never seen you before. What's your name?"

"Oh, you can just call me… call me Commonsense General," Zouchouten decided with a smirk.

.

Just as Yasha alighted on top of the ambulance and Zouchouten began to explain the situation, Kujaku was in sight of Town Hall. As he approached it, he had to wonder what he'd say to Tentei, if Daddy dearest were even alive. For all Kujaku knew, the villains had killed him and then grabbed Kisshouten. But if Tentei were indeed still on this plane of existence, his reaction to Kujaku was anybody's guess. Oh well, at least he couldn't hurl plasma blasts if it went badly.

Tentei's superpowers weren't very flashy, but boy, they were strong. He had the ability to tell when someone was lying, and he had the ability to persuade people into pretty much anything. These powers had enabled him to stay mayor for decades, and any lawyers who'd protested the legality of such an action fell into line once he'd had a little chat with them. He was an incredibly benevolent despot whom the citizens adored, and by now nobody ran against him because they knew it'd be futile.

Kujaku could see a large, smoking hole in the side of Town Hall, which was strangely enough deserted. Uh-oh, had everybody been killed already? And then, the front doors slammed open and two people walked out: a man and Kisshouten, and judging by the man's costume, he was a supervillain.

He had the biggest, most overgrown shoulderguards that Kujaku had ever seen. They were three feet long, silver, and set with gems, and Kujaku had to wonder how the dude raised his arms for battle. He was also wearing a helmet that covered him from the top of his head midway down to his nose, with his eyes shielded by reflective plastic so Kujaku couldn't even see those. The nose was straight and the mouth was well-formed, though, so he was probably pretty handsome. He certainly was tanned, and nice and buff too.

He was pulling Kisshouten along, a gun to her head, and she was obediently coming with because hello, gun to her head. But she was talking, begging him to let her go.

"Please, let me go back to my father! I have to see if he's hurt! I swear, we'll give you any amount of money you want, just let me go!"

"No no, my ravishing darling," the scoundrel grinned, sounding very proud of himself. "Money has no hold on me, but _you _do. All I've done, I've done so I can have you, and when I tell you –"

"Unhand that pretty lady!" Kujaku called, swooping down to land right in front of them. "I am Peacock Man, and I will save her! Don't worry Kisshie, you just take deep breaths and it'll all be fine," he said cheerily to Kisshouten.

"Hmph. Peacock Man. I'm not afraid of you at all. I am Armored Authority, and I have taken the mayor's daughter for myself," he smirked, pulling her tightly against his side. "I've been in love with her for years! So now, you will not take my prize! AH-ha-ha-haaa!"

Kujaku snorted, "Sheesh, Armored Asshole, you –"

"That's 'Armored Authority,' you cocky little dead man walking," the villain snapped, pointing the gun at Kujaku. "Show some respect! After all, I'm the one who _killed your partner's family!_" he revealed, a very nasty grin on his face.

Ooh, now Kujaku was _pissed_. This guy had caused Yasha massive heartache, not to mention threatened Kujaku's half-sister, who he'd really like to get to know better before she was flown to a remote location to be a sex slave, or whatever other dastardly acts Armored Authority had in store for her. He was goin' down, but how could Kujaku kill him when he had such a precious hostage?

Kisshouten herself, taking advantage of her captor's attention on Kujaku and the gun pointed away from her, tried to desperately come up with some self-defense that would work. He was wearing all that armor so kicking him or stomping on his instep was out, so she did the only thing she could: she screamed as loudly as possible, as close to his ear as possible.

And it did indeed work. He jumped a foot in the air, and Kujaku immediately blasted the gun out of his hand, having seen what was going to happen. Now torn between trying to keep a hold on Kisshouten and powering up some sort of blast of his own, Armored Authority went down like a sack of bricks when Kujaku leapt forwards and kicked him right in the face. Kisshouten managed to pull herself free, and scrabbled as far away as she could while Armored Authority grabbed Kujaku by the cape, and hurled him to the ground.

"I'll kill you for that!" the villain bellowed, getting to his knees and hurling a power blast at Kujaku's head. But Peacock Man was nothing if not nimble, and he rolled to the side just in time.

Kujaku got to his feet, and for a moment he thought he had the high ground. But Armored Authority leapt up too despite the heavy armor, and delivered a punch, then a kick, then a block, and Kujaku blocked, kicked, and punched too. Soon both realized that fisticuffs wouldn't cut it, and went back to hurling plasma and energy bolts at each other. Unfortunately, Armored Authority was freakishly nimble too.

But it was true that he couldn't raise his arms very well. So Kujaku took to the air, hovering right above him, and the villain couldn't get him with a power blast. It just went to show that "style over substance" was never a good idea.

But the guy was quick on the uptake. Realizing that he couldn't hit Kujaku like this, he threw himself to his back and sent energy bolts up at him that way. Yikes! One bolt blasted a hole in Kujaku's cape, catching fire, so Peacock Man immediately stopped, dropped, and rolled. Right on top of his enemy.

He knocked the wind out of him, yay! Kujaku knew that he had to end this quickly, so he gathered the plasma blast to end all plasma blasts, slammed his hand onto his opponent's chest, and fired it point-blank. A scream of pure pain was the result, and our hero knew that he had won, and so did the grateful Kisshouten.

_Take me away from my boyfriend, will you? _she thought triumphantly as Armored Authority writhed. _If you hadn't just been killed, he'd hunt you down and beat you to a pulp for what you tried to do._

Soon it was over, and the would-be kidnapper was dead. Kisshouten turned to Kujaku with tears in her eyes, and cried with great emotion, "Thank you, Peacock Man! You saved me from a fate worse than death! Um, what are you doing?" she asked as Kujaku took hold of the helmet.

"I wanna see what he actually looks like," he said seriously, starting to pull Armored Authority's helmet off. "You know, for postmortem identification."

Kisshouten nodded serenely, but at the sight of very girly lashes, very red hair worn in a very silly style, and very good cheekbones, she hysterically screamed, "BISHAMONTEN?!"

"You know this guy?" Kujaku asked, confused as to why she sounded so upset.

"He was my secret boyfriend!" she yelled, sounding completely fed up. "For God's sake, there was no _need _to kidnap me! If he wanted to run away with me to some deserted tropical paradise, all he had to do was ask! What a fool," she sighed, burying her face in her hands.

Kujaku, to his credit, felt rather guilty for killing the undercover lover. What had probably been about to happen was this: Bishamonten would kidnap his girlfriend because Tentei didn't approve of him, and then reveal his true identity to her and explain everything. She'd of course be mad that he'd kidnapped her, but relieved that he'd never dream of hurting her. They'd live happily ever after in that deserted tropical paradise, and never have to worry about other supervillains or avenging superheroes again. And Kujaku had ruined that future, irreversibly so.

On the other hand… Bishamonten had killed the Yamason family, so he deserved to pay. And Kisshouten was right, there were other ways of getting your beloved all to yourself. And he could've easily told her who he was. With such heavy-handed actions, no wonder Kisshouten had been afraid and Kujaku had acted to save her. Bishamonten really had no one to blame but himself, truly, and surely with grief counseling Kisshouten would be all right.

"So, um, Kisshie," her brother said awkwardly, "where's your dad?"

"He was knocked out when Bishamonten blew the wall down," Kisshouten replied, suddenly sounding very concerned. "Quick, we have to go see if he's –"

"HONEY! Thank God, you're _alive!_" that famous voice bawled, and they both turned to see a bleeding, dust-covered, but very much living Tentei Emperorsmith rushing towards them.

"Thanks to Peacock Man here," she told him as they embraced, Tentei with tears in his eyes. "He saved me from someone who should have known better than to hurt you and kidnap me," she growled, as Tentei let her go and seemed to notice Kujaku for the first time. Kujaku had taken his eye mask off for this important meeting, and now sent Tentei a bright smile.

"Peacock Man, you look very, very familiar. Where did we meet?" the mayor asked jovially, coming forwards with his right hand out for a shake.

Emboldened by that, Kujaku spread his arms wide for a hug and nearly sang, "Well, we never actually met, but I'm Sonsei's son. And guess what… you're my dad! I love you, Dad, and I want us to –"

"AAAUGH, you're not lying!" Tentei screamed hysterically, backing away like Kujaku was a radioactive mutant. "Sonsei's going to _pay _for this!"

"She died in a mental ward, Daddy-O," Kujaku snapped, offended by this reaction. "Ten years ago. I should probably tell you she was babbling about unicorns and fairies, so if she mentioned how her brother knocked her up, nobody would've believed her. But boy, I can tell we're gonna need some therapy to work through this," he muttered, fighting the urge to plasma-blast Tentei right in the face.

"Wait a minute," Kisshouten choked, sounding absolutely appalled. "Father, you slept with my _aunt?! _Oh my word, I have to sit down." That was just what she did, putting her head between her knees for good measure.

Kujaku sighed, looked Tentei in the eye, and told him, "My name's Kujaku Blackwings. Mom changed her last name because you told her to. You remember, in that restraining order where you made it clear you were disowning her, so she had to pick a new last name. She chose 'Blackwings' because a crow used to hang around her window in her new apartment – which I might add was tiny and in a bad neighborhood – and for a while it was her only friend."

"That's _horrible_," Kisshouten sniffled, getting to her feet and glaring at Tentei. "Father, that's a terrible way to treat someone who had your baby on the way! I don't know which is worse, the incest or your subsequent behavior."

With that she hugged Kujaku, and as the happily stunned Peacock Man reciprocated, Tentei hissed, "Honey, she got me drunk and seduced me, and I had no idea she was pregnant!" Of course, if he had he would've ordered her to get rid of fetus Kujaku, but Kisshouten didn't need to know that.

That was when a relieved call of "KUJAKU!" reached their ears, and they all turned to see Yasha land three feet away, a little battered but very much alive. He smiled at Tentei and Kisshouten, and introduced himself with a polite, "Hello, sir and ma'am. I'm Yasha, Kujaku's partner. And I'm so glad to see that everyone's all right. Um, can I hug him now, please?"

"He's gay too?" Tentei growled as Kujaku embraced Yasha as hard as he could, smooching him too. "Can this day get any worse?"

Kisshouten shot him a _look _and snapped, "So what if he's gay? What does it matter? I don't care at all. I mean, for God's sake, Father, you seemed fine with gay rights when they got you more votes!"

"Yasha, how's everybody else?" Kujaku asked when they broke that kiss. "You had to have killed Taishakuten, but did we lose anybody?"

Yasha explained the situation: Zouchouten had defeated Taishakuten; Kendappa and Souma had defeated Shashi and Tenou; Yasha himself had defeated Vahyu, and Aizenmiyou with Kujaku's help; Ashura had averted a zombie apocalypse with Kumaraten and Kahra; Ryuu had defeated Rudra and Deva; and now the city was safe. Granted there was massive collateral damage that the insurance companies would have a fit about, but it could have been so much worse. And now, unfortunately, came the talking to the media part. In fact, they'd followed him and would be here any second.

"And I killed the man who murdered your family, Ya-Ya, unfortunately thus killing my three-fourth-sister's boyfriend, and revealed my parentage to her and Pops!" Kujaku smiled, making Tentei bark, "Don't call me 'Pops'! We don't have that kind of relationship, and we never will!"

Yasha frowned at Kujaku for teasing Tentei, but Kisshouten just laughed and patted her brother's shoulder, with a pleasant, "I like your sense of humor, Kujaku. Father is often far too uptight. And Father, I think that once you work through this, you'll realize that you _want _that kind of relationship with him. He certainly wants it with you."

"Well," Tentei said grudgingly, as the media vans screeched to a halt in front of Town Hall, "at least the city was saved from the biggest threat it's ever faced."

.

(One year later)

Tenkaitropolis was peaceful, so of course everybody was waiting for the other shoe to drop. But for twelve months, all the supervillains had been so frightened by Six Stars that they'd decided to lay low or attack different cities. And so Yasha, Kujaku, and Company had had time to really enjoy their lives, and work on their relationships.

Kujaku and Yasha had taken romantic vacations, done all sorts of stereotypical lover things like going on picnics, and oh yeah, gotten married. Yes, this state too had finally recognized the validity of same-sex marriage, and passed an act allowing it. So of course Yasha had proposed, down on one knee and holding out a wedding band because he'd thought that would work pretty well.

It had. They'd gotten married in a small, tasteful ceremony in a park, where the only other guests were family and superhero ally friends. And now, while the public was still unaware that Northern Guardian and Peacock Man had made it legal, they were closer than ever before. They'd even adopted Ashura, and while Evil Ashura was a hassle to deal with, Regular Ashura was a doll.

Karura's tender loving care for her life being saved had resulted in a fairly major complication: a mini Karura/Zouchouten cross, named Sahen. Little Sahen, who was all of three months old, had inherited Daddy's strength and Mommy's dad's laser eyes, and could lift Daddy up and hurl him into the wall when he was feeling playful. He could also atomize Mr. Fuzzums, the teddy bear Karura had been saving since her childhood to give to her child. Whoops.

So now he was controlled whenever possible by a wristband that negated his powers, but unfortunately he could break it off with five minutes of determined pulling. All his parents could do was look forward to the future, when he would be able to comprehend the concept of self-control. After all, they'd learned it, so Sahen would too.

Souma and Kendappa too had taken advantage of equal rights, and gotten hitched as well. But they'd announced to the media that they were wives now, and were lauded for being the first same-sex married superhero couple in the city, even though Yasha and Kujaku had actually come first. Harpist Heroine and Ninja Lady had also had the idea to open a school for children with superpowers, to train the next generation of heroes. Construction on the facility was underway, and it was going to be a great one.

Ryuu had gone back to Westernwater City, because he was bored with all this peace in Tenkaitropolis. He wanted to be out kicking some butt! He was still mad that Yasha had soundly thrashed him in their duel, but the best way to fix that was to keep on practicing.

So he, his cousins, and even their grandpa continued to fight back the forces of evil, and even Hakuryuu had to admit that Ryuu was getting really good. They were happy, Westernwater City was happy to have them, and Ryuu was also happy that if major danger ever threatened Tenkaitropolis again, Zouchouten would make sure to call Dragon King to help fight it.

"You shoulda seen me against Ozone Obliviator and Earthquake Dude," he was currently bragging to Seiryuu as they lifted weights. "I was _on! _They didn't even get to touch me before I used the water dragons!"

"Yes yes, Ryuu, we've all heard that story so many times we've got it memorized," Hakuryuu muttered, as Grandpa nodded fervently from his guided missile wheelchair. "And how could we forget the way you almost attacked that old man with the long silver hair, because he looked like Taishakuten from the back? Even though he was wearing hobo clothes and not spandex."

Ryuu mumbled something about how you could never be too careful, and changed the subject.

Kisshouten had gotten over Bishamonten's death, quicker than anticipated. Granted for the first month or so she'd mythologized him, focusing on his good qualities and glossing over the bad, but Tentei had been firm that the man had been a villain. In time, she'd come to accept that, and while she still visited his grave every month, at least she didn't spend hours there. Tentei was pleased by this, but still wished Kujaku hadn't come along.

Tentei, Kujaku, and Kisshouten were in family therapy now, actually, and while it was slow going to get Tentei to accept and love his son, Kisshouten and Kujaku were making up for lost time. They adored each other, and she adored Yasha too. The four of them had decided that nobody else besides Dr. Shrinkerton would ever know about the incest, so the public thought Kujaku was the result of a college fling.

"I had _no _idea," Tentei had told the press with complete honesty, then utilized his politician liar powers and smiled, "But needless to say, despite this shock, I'm just tickled pink to have a son, and I thank God that he came into my life."

"Who's the mom?" a reporter had yelled, but he'd had a prepared response to that too: "Someone I was very close to at one point, but she's unfortunately no longer alive. She would have wished to remain anonymous anyway."

Rasetsu and Shara, having spent that fateful day playing checkers while Rasetsu champed at the bit, had also produced a child, except this one wasn't born yet. Rasetsu doted on the kid already, talking to Shara's belly in baby talk, and refused to let her do anything he deemed even remotely dangerous. Yasha kept trying to tone him down, but Kujaku just thought this was great ammo for teasing. Needless to say, Rasetsu didn't like Kujaku very much.

Kuyou, having helped save the city in an indirect way, was content to rest on her laurels and get rich betting on horse racing and casino gambling. By now she lived in an opulent mansion, and Yasha in particular was a frequent guest. They were fast friends, and she and Kujaku would play little psychic games. Then they'd see how batty they could drive Yasha with cryptic allusions to his future.

Kumaraten and Kahra had been just _so _happy to hear the news that their brother-in-law was no more. At which point they'd vowed to never be villains again, and joined the good guys. So now they visited their nephew all the time, and while Kumaraten thought Yasha was a far too permissive parent, things were generally pretty good. Kumaraten was often _tempted _to go down to the cemetery, and make some more zombies because it had been really fun, but he always resisted.

And what of the bad guys? Not all of them had been killed, after all.

Shashi and Aguni had been put into the same maximum-security prison, where they had connected and become great pals. After all, they were both women who liked wearing sexy outfits and fantasizing about ways their enemies could bite the dust. Also in that prison was Tamara "Siren Singer" Westlord, who'd tried to jump Aguni for being her daddy's beyotch and been soundly thrashed. Needless to say, they were kept apart now.

"Koumokuten would've put her in her place," Aguni had muttered to Shashi after she'd been let out of solitary. "He never would have stood for her attacking me like that. After all, I was his pookie Amazon firebunny!"

Shashi, disgusted by Aguni's standards, had mumbled something about how children often resented their parents' new lovers.

On the male side of the supervillain spectrum, Vahyu was currently holding court with a cadre of love-struck (plus jailhouse queer) fellow inmates, who fell over themselves to be his method of relief. So he was fairly happy, despite having to wear that _awful_ jumpsuit and the standard power-blocking ankle bracelet that all convicted supervillains got.

As for Tenou, he'd been, while sad that his father had died and his mother arrested, more than happy to turn good guy. He made sure to write Shashi long letters telling her how much he loved her, and always slipped in some preaching about how "it's never too late to turn over a new leaf, Mother." He too had connected with Ashura, who was ever so happy to see that he had a nice brother. How Tenou had managed to stay nice with such evil parents nobody knew, but oh well, they didn't fret too much over it.

Taishakuten's memory would live forever in the hearts of his legions of fangirls and fanboys, who had indeed held candlelight vigils, and posted death threats against Zouchouten online and on Twitter. There was a whole new category of Thunder God fanfiction now, in addition to all the Mary-Sues/Gary-Stus/self-inserts he fell in love with and changed for. These were alternate universes where he killed Zouchouten, Karura, and Garuda too for good measure, then continued being a sexy, _misunderstood_, secretly kindbadass. Who often fell in love with a Mary-Sue, Gary-Stu, or self-insert, but you probably guessed that last one.

Kujaku snickered as he read one such fanfic on his iPad, lounging on the couch while Yasha read a book right next to him and Ashura played a video game in the basement. Ho ho ho, who would rather read depressing old Wuthering Heights when you could read "Thunder Like a Spring Rain," and laugh at its idiocy? Heh, this one was even Mpreg, where Tai knocked his Gary-Stu up before being captured by the _dastardly _police force, leaving Ricardo Bonito all alone with a baby on the way.

Yasha had just gotten to the part where Heathcliffe marries Isabella, when a sudden, loud beeping came from the cuffs on his and Kujaku's wrists. These cuffs, designed to look like individualized jewelry, were an invention of Zouchouten's company: a portable hologram and speakerphone, used to contact the members of Six Stars. Up until now they'd been used only for social get-togethers and such, but as Yasha turned his on, he sincerely hoped that it was about superhero business.

Because Yasha, believe it or not, missed the thrill of the chase.

"Hi Zou!" Kujaku greeted, as a tired-looking Zouchouten appeared in the hologram, with dark circles under his eyes and two days' worth of stubble in his face. Kujaku blinked at him and continued, "Boy, you look awful."

"Gee, thanks. But I didn't call to talk about appearances. Guys, there's been a major attack on the Mahyah Forest Bank, and –"

"And you haven't dealt with it yourselves because?" Kujaku prompted, even as Yasha lit up. "After all, you're the one who killed Taishakuten, and Karura was the one who got him arrested the first time."

"Please, we had a rough night with Sahen crying incessantly, so would _you _take care of these hoodlums?" Zouchouten begged, as baby wails could be heard in the background. "They're from an alternate dimension, I think they're some sort of genetically engineered Third Reich soldiers. Apparently the Allies lost the war in their universe."

"Villains from another dimension, eh?" Yasha grinned, cracking his knuckles in excitement. "C'mon Kujie-koo, it's time to have some fun."

**End**

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(AN: Now, since I was nice enough to share this with you, you'd make me very happy if you gave a little back and told me what you think. I know this pleading for reviews gets annoying, but if this fandom weren't so lurker-filled I wouldn't have to. PLEASE review this, and no, I won't hide it if it's negative because that's immature. Feedback does indeed influence my work, but since only two of you currently review while many more of you read, I might be inadvertently continuing things you yourself don't like. There's a simple way to fix that.

Oh, almost forgot, "Sahen" means "falcon" in Sanskrit. He'll be showing up a number of times in the Karuzou AU installments, and some major stories too. Vachii is technically a real "RG Veda" character, that one guard who tries to make Zouchouten shut up about Karyou and Ashura at Tenou's birthday celebration. Maybe he's also the guy who breathes, "I see flowers…" when Zou's nameless plot hole wife bounces in, it's impossible to tell. His name means "armor" in Sanskrit, and I'll be using him again.

I want to make it clear that Taishakuten's fans were not intended as a slam on _actual _Taishakuten fangirls per se, because I've met a couple of those who were reasonable about it. I was poking fun at obsessive sadistic villain fangirls in general, you know, the type who ignore a jerk's evil and make him OOC-angsty and misunderstood, pairing him with their Mary-Sues.

The next installment of this fic will bring it up to an M rating, so please filter accordingly. However, not all installments will have detailed sex, so if you want to avoid the ones that do, simply check the description in each chapter to see the rating. Aren't I nice, shielding the innocent from naughty things?)


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